justme

Basically I do not know what to blog about. Bowei did gave me some ideas, but I do not wish to touch on those topics.

Topics like :
-work related
-the guy that I like (duhz)
-clubbing
-gossips
-etc

Oh please!

Work related. It will make me more depressed and perhaps causing some stirs like what I did before regards SPCO years ago.

The guy that I like… ehhhh! I do not really wanna talk about it. Sensitive la deh!!

Clubbing. Nothing much to talk. Everyweek the same. Booze like there is no tomorrow. Dance like I am a 舞娘~ HAHA! Crap. But clubbing with 3 crazy men is funny! The best part is I SEE ALL 3 DRUNK before! The best part is it was only the 4th time I clubbed with 2 of the 3! Wenqiang. The first time club with him was his birthday and he is totally gone! Joey. The forth time, which happen to be his birthday celebration. He was drunk and became very violent! As for Kent, clubbed with him for quite a long time. Saw him drunk and gone on his birthday too!! It seems to be their tradition to go drunk on their birthday celebration!

HAHA! I will never let them have a chance to see me DRUNK!

Gossips. Nothing much for me to gossip also. I am not attached to anyone. No one is attached to me. LOL!

Yeah right!

This is totally a useless update. Update for the sake of it.

Thats all crap!

It had been a long time that I have hold back my emotions.

I had stepped into this hole with lots of negative emotions. Ended up with a bit of depression in the picture.

Due to the heavy workload, failing of the papers, shakened confidence and faith I had in myself.

I wonder how long more can I take it and how much more can I tolerate.

When will the day that I will breakdown and collapse? I totally have no idea.

How I wish I can freely cry my heart out. But I could not.

It will only means I surrender to the problems that I have.

Old injuries coming back. Old feelings coming back. I hate the old. I want the new.

I am never the one that will surrender to these problems. I will never.
OVER MY DEAD BODY!

You know what? I have never fail a test continuously for two times. Sad to say, I failed my M5 for TWICE. Fark!

I am super demoralised. I never think I will ever fail the same paper twice. I hide myself in the toilet and cried for almost 10minutes.

Damn it!

Anyway, have a healthy lifestyle this week. Only a pint of beer for the whole week. However, me and Jiaxin and perhaps Kent are now suffering from withdrawal symptoms. LOL!

We totally unable to stay awake even at 12am.

Nice one.

Watched UP. Not bad. Think it is the 3D version that makes me think it is not bad. LOL

Super craving for KTV. I need to de-stress. I want to start the “tai kuay” session!

Do not know what else to update. Nothing for me to update. Boring!

我是幸福的！！

I have people already coming to me and support me.

I have people coming to me and ask me to 加油！

Of course I have people that tell me to be careful.

But, I think the objection that I thought I would face was not as great!

The only problem is the examinations.

Thanks!

have you really love him before?

Thanks for reminding me. This question set me thinking. Did I really love him before during that 1 year plus relationship? Although it had past long time but i never think of this question before.

My answer to it is Yes and No. Yes I did initially before we had our first quarrel. After which, I realise I do not love him much or rather I never love him at all. However, we were together for 1 year plus. I guess it is the accompany that I do not wish to let go.

If not because of the last big fight that we had, I would not have be so determined to let go. No point holdng on something of no worth.

To be frank, I regret. I regret getting into this relationship. I am proud. I am proud of myself to let go of it.

=]

Sometimes, I think I am fortunate to be who I am now. At least I do not need to be torture by the past relationship. Some called me selfish and heartless. Because, I could not tolerate my boyfriend to be have very good girl-friend but he can not control the friends that I want to have and be with. But, I can also not tolerate him to be one that allow me to have my own freedom. That is why my boss told me something.

no wonder you so difficult to find a boyfriend!

Nice one huh.

HAHA!!!

oh gosh!

Went clubbin on Wednesday. But I think is a wrong choice. I didn’t really have fun. Maybe too many thoughts running around. The day ended with me falling into a drain. Shitty.

Had a very bad fall. The wound is 10cm long. I got home and started crying. The pain on my leg is there. I started thinking. Why am I in this state? It is totally self inflicted. Drinking so much. Though it don’t get me high, it got me real tired and emo. The feeling sucks. Continuously down so many cups, with a few shots of nit. The taste of the alcohol slowly become tasteless. Just like drinking plain water. Shucks. I started feeling that living in this world seems to be very difficult. I spent almost an hour to cool myself down and fell asleep.

Woke up halfway. Feel like vomitting, but nothing vomitted. Continue sleeping till afternoon. Went to see a doctor. Got 2 days MC. GREAT!
I think I will get fired soon. LOL!

Applying the cream is a torture. The wound stings. Ah boy is black hearted. But I know he meant good. He said, “pain also must apply! unless you want your wound to become 20cm long..”

And I am suppose to be on leave from St James this weekend. Ah boy said, “i dont want to see you this fri & sat!”

OMG leh. HAHA! My dear Lena more funny. She tell me to be careful when on my way home. Be more careful and not fall down again.. =.=”

Thanks leh…

Post up the pic of the wound on Facebook. Caused a flood in the comment box for that pic. These people, seems to be more interested in those wound kind of pictures. Scandalous pic no longer caused any stir. LOL! Nonono. I do not have any scandalous pic. LOL! I only have ugly pics.

Had a meet up with someone. I think I will take the risk and try out. Be it whether will it turn out well or bad. That is the life I wanted. I want to take charge of something I used to be unable to. I will update you guys on what is it all about. Of course, I know, after I updated on the decision I’ve made. I’m sure alot people will object, but that is my decision.

Call me stubborn. Indeed I am.

Have not been blogging for a very long time. Alot of things had happen.
Be it happy or sad. Cried and laughed. Heartbreaking too.

First, the happiest moment I would say is the SPCO concert. 15th Anniversary concert @ SCH. I see the joy in them and i see the sense of belonging in them. SPCO, HUAT AH!

Next, their FOCamp. Lots of tears and laughters. Glad that I went and sort out their unhappiness. People that do not understand will call us the busybodies. But we do that because we care. Not just for the club, but for the juniors. We would never want them to go through the hardship we went through. We would not wish to see them having the conflicts that we had. We would want them to learn and grow. =)

Work. As per usual. Just that my dearest partner had left. Doreen had quitted. I do not deny that I have no thoughts of leaving after hearing the news from her that she had tender. She is my pillar of strength at work. Though we have the negative thinkings, but we never give up. Now she had quitted, I got to stay strong and continue working hard.

Friends. I realised. I have alot of friends. But I do not know who are the real ones. But one thing for sure. I have friends that are always there to support me whenever I am in need of help. You guys know who you all. I don’t need to name you guys one by one. Be it from RS, SPCO or WLNY. =)

Health. Not very good. Falling sick like nobody business. I think to the extend Joey is thinking that I am getting MC even when I was not sick.
Having very weak stomach for a few weeks. Cough and flu joined in the fun too. Just that they forget to ask fever along to make me a H1N1 suspect. LOL!

Family. After a day of MC due to the cough and flu, I am back to work. But the day of work is only less than 1.5hours. While having a briefing, received a call from my Mum. It make me lose all my thoughts. I can’t stop shivering and I can’t phrase my wording properly. I can’t even think straight for a minute. I stopped picking phone calls and got questioned by Joey. I can’t control my tears, they just rolled down when I told her that I need to leave. My grandma passed away. I admit. I wasn’t close to my grandma. I even have times that I hated her. Thinking back on the earlier days, how she ill-treat my mum. But still she is my grandma. I just hate the feeling of having a person leaving me forever. It was my big aunt last year. This year, my grandma. I blamed myself for not being a good granddaughter when she is still around. Now, what I can do is faithfully pay my respect especially when the altar now is at my house. Since many years ago, we all have been very worried about her and my big aunt. Now that they are gone. Of course it is a relieve for everyone. It is also a relieve for the both of them. They no longer need to suffer due to the various sicknesses. They no longer need to go through all the painful processes. At least now they are free from all the pain and sufferring.

The world seems to be crashing down on me. I am lost. I need directions. I need some time to sort out my thoughts. I got to be stronger than before. I had always tried to hide my feelings. Even my tears are so precious. I hate to cry. I love to smile. But, I had forgotten how to smile. A smile that I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I had forgotten that I have feelings some times. Everything, hidden.

Alright. I know.. It had already been donkey years since I last touched this blog. I do miss blogging. I have so much thoughts that I had keep them in a secret chamber.

A list of events took place and make me start to wonder and put on the fake mask a lot of times.

And of course, many lies were told. To protect myself, to protect my love ones, my dearest ones.

And of course, many a times I broke down. During the time alone, I always broke down in a wierd manner.

With all the emotions kept safely in the chamber can be so torturing.

Gonna start blogging on the list of events that took place.

SPCO concert. Clubbing issues. Work related problems. Relationships. Studies. Friends around me. Personal issues.

So many!! Of course, most would end up with some password.

Ok.. Finally back for some updates.. Slot of things happen.. Be it happy things or sad things. The happiest things should be finding my 10 bros clinqe and going holiday with my dear friends. Shall not bring on the unhappy things. Most are happy, non is sad enough to make me tear.. While typing, I realize I really had not have some time alone to vent my emotions.

Just got back after a long day, but it sucks. Vomitted before coming home. Don’t know the true cause, but the suspect is the medicine I had just nw that I got from the doctor today for my eye infection. Allegic? Too strong? I don’t know. But I do feel better after vomitting.

My Bintan trip is FUN!!!! Though I am like a super lazy worm that keep sleeping, but I had relaxed!!! And the tanning, loving it!!!

Planning to have a Batam trip soon too…. Shall see how!

Updating using my iPod touch can be quite difficult too.. Alright, shall be back to blog on more things soon!

Bye!

OMG!

What’s going on huh? Stopped blogging for 1 month plus. Slap myself! Have been so lazy to simply just login and start typing.

Once again, alot of things have been happening. Not much of partying but still as much boozing. Craziness.

Work. Still as shit. More and more selfish people around. Once trusted people turns against u. More and more masked people. More and more PMS people. Fucked up people.

Getting sick and tired of all these. Very. Thinking of the next step…  Take it or leave it.

Life seems to be not as interesting as the life i had in school. Different life. In school, I had so much to talk, so much to do and yet I do it with lots of passion. Now, I have so little to talk, or rather nothing to talk.

Those out to remove me out of their vision is catching every single action and every single word that I’m doing and saying. Hais.

Lazy to continue talking. Bye