justme

Back to blogging. But, my apologies. As this post is a sad post again. I wanted to blog in chinese. However, it would take a long time for me to blog everything out. I am already totally drained out. No more brain cells to think more. This whole week, have been a down down down valley week.

On Sunday early morning, as usual, mom is getting ready for work. At the very moment when she was about to leave home, my noisy caller ID phone rang. Echoing out loud the number. To be frank, I dread answering calls from this number. But, as of now onwards, this number is my priority call. After answering my call, my mom immediately woke my dad up. And I heard this, “快点起来!工人叫不醒薇香!” My dad sprung out of bed the moment he heard it. Both my parents rushed down to the place right away to understand the situation. And me, thinking that everything will be alright, went back to sleep. Less than an hour later, I received a call from dad. I can hear him crying. I rarely sees or hears my dad crying. At that moment, a sudden grief dwell upon me. My dad asked me to wake my brother up and rushed over right away. The time had come. God came and brought my big aunt back to the heavenly home. I called mom again and I heard her crying too. I told myself to hold my tears and remain strong but I failed. I cried when I saw the body lying on the bed. The peace she had on her face somehow makes me feel more at ease. I cried because I couldn’t bear to leave her. But, I know she is in good hands now.

When I reach, I saw the face of my aunts and uncles. The serious faces. The crying faces. But, the person I worried most is my grandma. Thou I always bear grudges at them for ill-treating my mum when we were still living with them, but still.. my heart turns soft when I see her cries. The grandma I know was such a fierce and demanding woman. Seeing her crying so badly, I felt bad inside. Thinking back, she needs to take care of 7children single-handedly since my grandpa left them. Some how, I feel that she is being forced to be fierce and demanding.

During the wake services, I told myself to stay strong and never wept a single tears infront of my big aunt. Because I’m very sure that she dont want us to be crying. But instead be happy for her that as of now she is already in the place that she will be in good hands and be free from all illness. But, I failed.

I really hate to attend funerals of people I know. Memories of them keep flashing back. I believe, this is the 3rd one ever since I understand what death really means. First, my maternal grandma’s. I didnt shed a tear at all. Partly because, I didnt see the body at all. And I am still young. Second, was my primary school friend, Jennifer. I collapsed when I heard about it. Now, my big aunt. All memories start to flash back. All… and it even include memories on my maternal grandma and Jennifer.

I really wish to tell everybody. Please, treasure everyone around you. Especially your family members and friends that means alot to you.

No matter how much you hated this family members of yours, still. They still had great memories with you before any hatred started. Because we never learn how to hate but we learn how to love. Hatred grew when we knew even more things. Treasure friends around you. To you, they might be just some that you are just making use of, but still, they stick to you in times of ur crisis. Though I always said that I’m a heartless girl. But, that only applies when it comes to relationship. I’m still very vulnerable when it comes to friends. That explains why I never have friends that I would totally trust with to vent everything. Except for one, Leng.

Thanks Leng. Just a =( face you knew something happen. Even just a small gesture to get me to sms u before I closed my eyes on the first nite makes me very grateful that at least I know that there is still somebody that cares for me. Thanks..