Archive for March, 2007

wondering

{ March 26, 2007 @ 11:21 pm } · { Cell Group, crying, mixture }
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*p/s:- This gonna be a SUPER DUPER LONG post. Dont read if you think you dont have the time and patience to slowly read thru my rubbish English.

I have always been wondering…..

    = How many people actually make it a point to actually comes to my blog every single day for updates?
    = How many people will actually bookmark my blog?
    = How many people actually really enjoy reading my blog?
    = To how many people is my blog the only way to know what is happening in my life right here at this moment?
    = Who are those that actually LOVES my blog?
    = Why is the number of KPO-s viewed jumping so fast and yet there isnt any new comments?

Ha! So many question eh. But there is alot of times I always keep thinking about it. I think to alot of them, my blog is really one of the main way they got to know what is really happening in my life right now.

I’m sure alot of people are not attracted to my blog coz of the good blog post I post out. Thats simply because I ain’t Xiaxue who bitches about everything and posting tons of pictures or VeryPoisonouslady who have tons of nice and sexy pictures of her and her girl-friends also not to forget her flowery language. Personally, I quite like their blog. Especially their photos. Lolx!

Of course, I do have a few blogs that belongs to my friends that I will read faithfully. Some because they are really close friends of mine that I care alot for but some are just because I wanna know what are they up to. I realise, they will always actually be so frank in their blog on their bad habits or bad doings or even the most inner thoughts but they will never be real in front of you. Yet, they will be so cunning and act in front of you. There are also a few blogs that I read up that belongs to people that I dont like. Ha!!!!!! And be happy when bad things happen to them?! (Oops, I’m so BLACK HEARTED!!!! Oh God! Please forgive me!)

Ok. Enough of rubbish talks on Blogs.

Just yesterday night, I receive a news about one of my most treasured friend (Okay, let’s name my friend JS) Though we rarely contact, but at least I do update myself about JS’s life thru the blog he/she have. I almost break down. My heart shattered into so many pieces. I almost thought another friend is leaving me again. Leaving from this world.

It actually hooks back the memory I had when I’m still in Secondary 3. Till now, I still can clearly remember me crying so hard during the funeral. I couldnt even bring myself to look straight at the picture of my friend. My tears immediately start flowing out when I alight from the car. The first thing that my friend’s mum did when she saw me was to hug me tightly and cry together with me.

I really pray hard that JS will never hurt himself/herself physically anymore. I cant afford to lose a friend again to the devil. I hate it.


JS. I dont know whether will you be reading my blog. I really hope that you really will stop cutting yourself. I know the physical hurt is nothing compare to the emotional hurt you have, but all the physical hurt that are done unto you will not change the fact. Please, learn to love yourself more. There are alot of friends around you that really love and care for you. Hope that you get well soon k! Love you lots. =)

Sometimes, whenever there are cases of such, my mum is always the first to comment on how stupid are those people that hurt themselves or end their lives when they met with problems. To her, she think that the people are very selfish. However, to me, I always thought it is not right to hurt ourselves or end our lives when we met with any problems. But I dont blame them doing it. I’m not encouraging it. I actually pity them. Coz they actually resort to these ways of relieving the hurt they have due to the fact that they have no idea how to lessen the pain. They cant find a way out and they ended up at the dead end with no return. Perhaps due to my religion, I believe no problem is big enough that have no solution. But I also believe that hurting myself due to all these problems is never needed. I believe all these depends on each individual mindset. =)

Ok. Enough of rantings. Thats about it. Bye! =)

back

{ March 23, 2007 @ 8:26 pm } · { rantings }
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Finally I’m back blogging again. Laziness is ruling over my life for the past weeks. Of course alot of things happen not forgetting the operation I had. The most memorable day of my life. 110307 the day I had the operation and stay overnight ALONE in the hospital.

Its due to the skin condition I actually have. Born with bigger pores, thus more prone to infection. In addition to that, I’m actually unknowingly allegic to the antibiotics they previously gave me. The pain on my back was so bad that even a strong painkiller is also unable to stop the pain. Anyway, the doctor actually cut off a piece of meat (7.5cm by 4.5cm by 1.5cm) and drain off all the pus. Of course that piece of meat is not sew back to my back but it was being thrown away! Haha! The life after discharge is nothing better. My meals are just VEGE, FISH, RICE.

SUPER BORING!!!!!

Staying at home everyday is boring! The only time I’m able to go out is only going to the polyclinic to change the dressing of my big wound. After which, HOME SWEET HOME. After stayin indoor for so many days, I cant really adapt to the outdoor hotness. Through this period of time, Baby have been comin over almost every evening to accompany me. Thanks.

Hmmm, and also. I’m referred as Rongping the bitch in Keerling’s blogspot. She also referred me as theselfproclaimed chiobu in her wordpress. Lolx. Initially thought something I did offended her, but realise she have a strange way of calling people that she like as BITCH… -_-” *faint!!!!

p/s. Miss KeerlinG!!! I manage to make my wordings BIGGER!!! haa!!!

Ha! Dont know what to blog about anymore. Bye!!

no more blogspot. say hi to wordpress

{ March 10, 2007 @ 9:23 pm } · { rubbish }
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yes. as said in the title of this blog. say bye to blogspot. say hi to wordpress. ive moved.


please ppl~ if ive yet link u in my new blog. kindly juz leave a comment and i’ll link u up!
bye!

updates

{ March 10, 2007 @ 2:12 am } · { mixture }
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Well over this whole week, alot of things happen. SPCO keys, Results, Illness….. Just hope that all these are coming to an end soon..

SPCO keys

Due to some low alertness, we actually surrended the studio key. Everything just happen and was so scary. Especially to her. Somehow, this whole matter actually reminds me about duplication on the clubhse keys during the academic year when I was the President. Perhaps due to the previous theft, I hesitated so long and decided not to duplicate keys. But thankfully, I made the correct choice. Well, surrenderrin the key back to SAA might not be a bad thing. At least we dont have to always hide behind their back. But since it is over, I shall not touch too much about it.

Result

I actually got my result earlier thru email. I’m so anxious because this will determines anot will I continue schoolin in SP or quit school. Of course, I’m proud to say that I’m still a SP STUDENT! Because i actually pass all the modules. For those that see me study thru my exams, they will know how stress I was especially on the Friday papers. S&PM and CENPR. Though my results aint fantastic, but at least I passed. Of course not forgetting to thanks the lecturers on helping me. CENPR is a module that I thought I will never pass no matter how many times I take it. But, I actually gt a D- for it! Though it is just a D-, but I’m happy with it. Cos not everyone get the chance or getting teachers’ help to actually pass the student. I knew it deep in my heart that the lecturers actually fought for my D- with all of their strength because they really can see how stress I was. Failing all the class test, being in a different tutorial and lecture class and the paper, it is badly done. I just scribble whatever I remember and I fell asleep because I didnt sleep the night before. Overall, I’m satisfied with my scores. =)

Illness
Yes. I’m sick AGAIN. It seems like I have been sick for alot of times. Duhx. I have this lump growin on my back AGAIN with pus somemore and this time round it is so bad that I was referred to NUH immediately for operation especially because I’m down with a fever too. But! I waited for 2hours plus to see a doctor and the doctor suspect me as a diabetics case as my father’s side have lots of them having diabetics includin my dad. So, the doctor got a nurse to check my sugar level and if it is too high, I will have to be hospitalise. But thankfully, it was alright. Following, that another doctor came in. I believe is a more senior doctor, she is the main person to decide anot to operate on me. She decided not to because there isnt much pus left and the area around is infected. So she gave me the strongest antibiotics to heal the wound and of cause painkillers. So I actually spend the whole afternoon in NUH sitting up and down cos I felt so uncomfortable. Well, if these few days my wound gets worsen than I will have to go for an operation. But if it is getting better, I will just need to go for the appointment on Friday afternoon to have a check on the wound. So people, do pray for me. I dont want to go for any operation. I hate needles! I hate having knives going all over my back!!!! =((((((((((

relief

{ March 5, 2007 @ 4:07 am } · { phew }
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Just got back home from Tan Tock Seng Hospital. Nah. I dont have SARS. Its actually Baby. NO! He dont have SARS also. But Baby actually fell down and have a bad cut on his right palm. Heard that there are 4 to 5 stitches. =(…

Receive the news @ ard 120am. I was already on my way back home. Should have ask uncle to drive me straight to TTSH. As my phone batt is running low, so I actually got home and charge for a while and called Baby again. After which, my mum actually rush down to TTSH with me. Really thank her for accompanying me down. I was so nervous. I almost cried in the cab when I got the news. When I alight, I run and run, all the way back home.

But thank God it is just some minor scratches on his arms and this very big wound on his right palm which have stitches. =) Thank God that Baby is actually alright. Hmmmm, let this be a lesson for him for going out at that hour and meet his god-sis! BLEAH! If not, he will nt have get injured. =((((

Well, my heart hurts so much when I saw the bandage on his palm. Though it seems to be alright, but is on the palm. It must be very painful. Lets just pray that his veins and nerves are alright. Pray for speedy recovery. =) Baby, baby. Take good care of yourself. =)

shoppin spree

{ March 3, 2007 @ 3:21 pm } · { rubbish }
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Well, I had a shopping spree ystrday. Bought alot of things and the result is, MY ANGBAO MONEY IS FINISHED! Haha. I bought a pair of heels, 3tops from Dorothy Perkins (yes. AGAIN!) , a flip flop from Ripples and a bag. LOL.

Had a fun time shoppin with Huiling. First time goin out ALONE with her. Haha! We both keep walking around like crazy woman. As for me, I’m buyin the things like there is no tomorrow.

Actually buyin of bag is not in my agenda of the day. LOL. But accident do happens. So, HUILING~ dont feel guilty la! =)

Thats about all abt it. The only happy thing of the day. The rest of the day SUCKS. Forget it. I’m juz not that important in his heart ba.

tears

{ March 3, 2007 @ 12:44 am } · { rubbish }
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I am so pissed off. I feel like screaming! I feel like crying! I hate the way YOU treat me. I hate they way everybody is treating ME! Issit so difficult just to pay more attention to my needs! Issit so difficult to understand me! Am I realli that f.ing unreasonable! OK FINE! I know I AM! Screw me!

I’m starting to hate the cell group. W84. A place that I wish I totally have NO memories. Somehow, everybody is so SELFISH! No one cares. No one bothers. They might be close to you, but they will never know ur inner problems. The forte of everyone in the cell grp is pushin the blames around, pushin around the responsibility. I hate IT!!

YOU! It disappoint me so much. Every word that u speak thru your mouth, it hurts. I’m starting to doubt everything. I hate myself. I hate everything. I hate it when I cant control my emotions and CRY. I hate to cry! But everytime, I will be such a sucker, such a weakling! Havin totally no control of my emotions and damn shit CRY!

It doesnt matter where I end up, which cell grp I goes to. It dont make a difference to me as long as it is a place that I can be happy. Even if there are tears shed at the new place, let it be tears of JOY but not sadness.

I may seems like I’m forever “happy-go-lucky” person. But thats because I have fabulous ACTING SKILLS! I’m able to hide everything. EVERYTHING, deep inside my heart. Sometimes, I’m thinking, me being too sensitive to other people’s feeling, trying all ways to make other people feel good are now so useless! Because they dont even care about MY feeling. All the burdens on me. Yes, I know that these burdens are not that big that I cant carry. Because He will never give me a burden that is too much for me. But why isnt there anybody lightening the burden for me and yet piling more things on my shoulder. Its so heavy. I want to end it. So, is leaving church the answer to it!? Is leaving everything behind the solution to all the problems I have?! I totally have no idea! But perhaps I can consider this. Now I know why everybody is starting to be SELFISH. Their world is all about “I, ME & MYSELF!”. Ok. I AM LEARNING HOW TO BE SELFISH!

dreams

{ March 2, 2007 @ 1:18 am } · { Cell Group }
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I believe everybody have their own dreams. Childhood dreams especially. But how many of you actually will fight for ur childhood dreams when you grew up. Due to the fierce competition in Singapore’s society, I believe alot of us actually have alot of unfulfil childhood dreams. Personally, I have ALOT!!!!!

Singing

I love singing. So much so that I had KTV session with my primary schoolmates almost EVERYDAY during my primary school days. I even join Choir during my secondary school days. However, I didnt actually treasure it. Playing around during practices, skipping practices…. Only until when I graduated, I realised how much I missed singing in choir. Upon enrolling into polytechnic, once again. I allow the chance to slip off by joining Chinese Orchestra instead of Choir. Though I didnt regret the decision. But I felt pity for not joining Choir too. Watching all the advertisment on the Project Superstar I & II, I actually felt so upset. Coz I didnt mastered up the confidence to sing in front of so many ppl. However, I truely believe, I will be able to sing well enough. I do want to sing. For my life. As for now, all I can do is SING in choir ministry and kbox. LOLx.

Music

I used to think that Piano is a super boliao instrument. However, when I grew older, I actually love Piano more. Of course, other instruments that I actually know how to play; Zhongruan & Guitar. I might sound like I’m talented, but actually I’m just a half past six for both instruments. If I have the money, I will sure enrol myself into an established music school and brush up my skills on Zhongruan & Guitar and of course SINGING!

Lawyer

Well, I should say this is a dream that almost every child wants to be when they are younger. My reason of this dream is because I always thought that I’m super good in argurng. However, when I slowly grew up, I realise that there are even better candidate in arguing than me! Thus, this dream was slowly forgotten.

of coz. I do have other dreams. But laziness is ruling over the will of blogging. So, I shall stop my bullshitting now! BYE

nothing much to read on.

{ March 2, 2007 @ 12:43 am } · { rubbish }
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I had a fun time @ work today. Gossiping around. Nice people. BUT bad traffic on my way to work. It actually causes me to be super duper late for work and Iended up like a kuku. Because I was actually rushing out and so I grabbed everything on hand and off I GO! Best of all, its RAINING. Damn the stupid weather. Anyway, like what I said. Work is FUN! With all my favourite khakis, chit chatting away. Laughin @ each others’ stupid mistakes. When I mean fun, I mean REAL FUN! We had a session of “lao hei” or whatever you called that. Imagine the MALAYS joinin in.. omg! COOL.

Bible study was alright. Quite a long time since I last attend 1. Having said that, I realise that I actually missed the previous LESSON! faint.

Dineer with baby was alright. We were unable to decide what to have for our dinner. Ended up, we actually have Coffeeclub @ Clarke Quay. Nice ambience. Great decoration. BAD Airconditioning. Haha! Home Sweet HOME!

OhYa! Forget to mention. I actually POO for 3times today. Where the hell I actually got so much SHIT. Haha!!!!