Archive for October, 2005

saturday

{ October 30, 2005 @ 12:52 am } · { rubbish }
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today..
wake up late..
den wake up..
online play game..
den rot all the way till 445pm den left hme.

was super late in meetin Leng…
anyway..
in the end Peile came and join us…
den went to Botanic Garden..
took us a long time to walk in..
haiz..
so in the end…
onli manage to listen to ard 10mins…
den saw Eileen!!!
haha~
violent woman…
=x
hit my butt somemore~~!!!
taoyan!!~
ppl shy!!!
somemore hit in front of Leng!!!
=x
haha~~!
anyway…
saw Xueqi and Joyce..
chit chat a while den we went off…
sorry Xueqi..
didnt manage to reach on time..

anyway..
we left botanic garden..
and we walked for almost an hour to a bus stop..
what the…
den waited for almost 20mins for bus..
and in the end decided to take cab…
haha!
went Hollan V makan..
den went to look for Eski Bar!!!
yeahyeah..
i love the place..
so COLD and COOL!!!
but we juz went in to take a look….
never realli stay..
coz dun feel like having alcoholic drinks…
the ppl there is realli friendly…
nice!!
thumbs up for the place…
coz the atmosphere is realli damn great!!!
nicenice!!
and most importantly..
it is COLD!!!!
haha~
yeah baby!!!
i wanna go ESKI Bar!!!
*mad*

den we went to Cold storage walk ard..
thinkin of buying dog food…
haha!!
for none other den my beloved doggie!!!
wahahahaha!!!
=x
but nw buy..
too earli..
haha!
coz his bday is juz 1 day before me..
6th december!!
haha~
shall buy on 7th december!!~
he said he will come CO on that day..
coz juz nice his POP!!!
haha~!!!!
bleahz….
yeahyeah
i am hinting…
7th december!!!
haha~
MY BIRTHDAY!!!
=x
okok…

nothing to update le…
haiz…
anyway..
feeling sad..
coz Peile going ITP soon oso..
meaning…
BOTH PEILE AND LENG ARE AT ITP NOW!!!!
my 2 dearies in SPCO…
haiz….
but never mind…
coz Leng is coming back soon!!!!
yeah!!
haha~
but LeLe…
she cant come for sectional..
not sure if she comin combined…
hope she coming.
if not..
i will be so damn BORED!!!!
=P
ok la..
duno wat to update le..
nothing to update oso..
haha!!~

feeling so great nw~
crazy..
coz…
after so long..
finally manage to meet up with Leng and LeLe together and we 3 go out..
especially Leng..
ever since she go ITP…
veri rarely get to see her le….
heehee!!!!~
ok..
bye bloggie!!!~

i miss Leng…….
okok..
i miss LeLe oso..
haha!!!!

die.

{ October 29, 2005 @ 4:04 am } · { rubbish }
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hey. the time nw.. is 404am!!!
and i am still opening my eye big big!!
haha!!
tml…
eh..
nonono…
is later..
have to accompany Sarah to go donate blood..
i am suppose to donate oso..
but i am on medication..
so cant lo..
den in de evening gonna meet Leng go botanic garden to watch SYCO n SCO combined concert..
Xueqi is performing wor..
i am there to support her!!!
haha~
and oso some other ppl…
ppl like…
William, Joyce, Chen laoshi, Lee Qiang laoshi and some others la..
haha!!!
yeahyeah..
veri excited..
coz today played praise during P&W…
haha!!!
not my first time playing though..
but hor..
first time playing such a difficult song la..
okok..
to me it is difficult..
haha!!!
and i almost gt a cramp la…
haha!!~
though i didnt play realli well..
but…
still no matter what..
God will not despise 1 rite?
heehee!!!! =X
supposed to play worship oso..
but i keep playing the wrong strummin during the chorus part..
duno wats wrong with me oso..
diaoz..
too long never practice…
haiz…
okok..
duno wat to update oso…
gtg..
bye bloggie!!!
*Happy 3rd Month Anniversary to Me n LENG~ haha!!!*

what is goin on

{ October 28, 2005 @ 2:11 am } · { rubbish }
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have not been updating..
coz realli nothing to update lo…
have been rotting thru out…
except for wednesday…
went for CO practice…
practice till 10+pm…
coz Mr Lee thought onli 9+pm onli lo..
haha!!
den went home with Peile and Samuel…
Samuel is so funny lo..
told them about Jialin’s bf..
coz he got into a car accident..
and it was so bad that he have to go for physiotheraphy..
i felt so sad for Jialin and her bf…
i felt so bad oso..
wasnt able to console her too..
haiz…
anyway..
that Samuel was so excited hearing till he wanna take train with us all the way to Boon Lay..
haha!!!
went home.
rots.

today..
wake up at 1+pm..
spend almost an hour doing proposal.
suppose to go school and hand in..
in the end never..
stayed at home..
clean up my wardrobe..
so messy..
and mopped the floor too..
sian..
my brother was sick.
havin fever..
diaoz…
den my mum…
haiz..
bias till liydat..
i realli nothing to say..
when i was sick..
she will still scold me and ordered me to do this and that..
but when my brother is sick..
all he have to do is juz sleep all he wants..
he move an inch..
my mum will be so worried..
and ask how is he feeling..
what the..
haiz..
forget it..
i am always the forgotten one..
heck care le..
i already lose heart in both my parents…
my dad..
ha..
come home onli know how to scold..
and best of all..
knowin that i am coughing..
and i do have slight asthma..
and he still jolly well smoke in front of me..
when he knew that i hate it and i am coughing and have difficulties breathing..
and damn it..
i having blocked nose fer the whole day..
what kind of father is this..
told him to get away if he wanna smoke..
and he still stared back at me…
duhx..
ya…
so what if i am rude in asking u to get off..
do know ur limit ma!!!
whole family onli him always smoking..
and so inconsiderate!!!!
damn..
hate it!!!
i think i will not die of dengue fever..
i will die of lung cancer or maybe asthma attack..
all thanks to his smoking…
bloody pised..
argh!
nothing to say le.
bye bloggie…
= i no longer wanna dwell on it anymore.. i have enough.. having ppl coming to me and ask how am i.. yes.. i do feel sad and pissed… and i dunlike it.. the more the ppl come and console me… the more i hate what have happen.. the more i hate the ppl involved… includin myself.. =
= i no longer understand myself… i no longer understand my feelings.. i no longer understand what i am thinking.. i am totally confused on how i am feeling now.. what is this.. maybe it is a sign that i am moving on with life… =
= i am no longer the old me.. i can never turn back to the old me.. the old me have died.. and no longer found.. i am a new me.. a new me that even me myself dun get to realli understand.. a real me that no one will get to understand.. i am juz a weirdo.. and i love being a weirdo.. =
maybe i shld change name oso hor…
hmm…
i shall change my name..
but to what??
i duno..
hmmm…
victoria…
not nice…
i wan…
er…
*after 15mins of searching…*
ok.. forget it..
i decided to stick it back to VICTORIA!!! haha!!!

updates.

{ October 25, 2005 @ 3:05 am } · { rubbish }
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nothing much happen these few days..
except for the lost of my wallet..
but i managed to find it back the next day..
went to Esley house to play monopoly on Saturday and Sunday..
we all realli played till dunwan go home…

den on saturday..
went home..
had this major pain on my left arm…
was in such great pain that i onli slept for ard 3 hours…
and the pain is so great that i could not even lift it up initially…
and while sleepin..
i had a hard time trying to find a nice positioning of my hand so as to lighten the pain…
and when i found it..
i fall aslp immediately..
and all of a sudden i will wake up due to the pain..
coz i cant even try to touch my that hand or move it…
the pain is realli unbearable..
haiz..
anyway..
now the pain subsided already.
hope that it will not come back..
most probably goin see a sinseh on wednesday
yeap

just told my mum my results..
expected her reaction..
but that is not what i wanted..
was totally upset with her words…

jus nw..
engine niang called..
was realli grateful to u….
thanks for being so concern about me..

i realli hope that i am fine..
yesh, i might still be sad..
but i am fine…
i know that there is no way for me to dwell on it anymore..
coz things are not goin the way i wanted it to be..
i think i made a mistake..
the mistake is made by me..
no one can undo that for me..
all i can do is blame myself for not being able to see things properly…
i must bear all responsibility for my own misery i have now…
i might kind of hate him..
but he is not responsible for all that have happen too..
none of them are…
i am…
coz i was still unable to be matured enough and be brave enough to act as per normal…
but just that i am still not used to things now..
coz of that the person i used to go to when in troubles, is him..
coz of that the person i used to go to when i am sad, is him..
i now realised…
how dependent i was on him when we were friends…
i was realli realli relying on him so much that i threw myself into a endless pit..
but now i have to learn to once again stand up alone and depend on myself…
and i will..
i will be fine..
coz i am not so easily defeated…
but i am not the same anymore….


nothing much to update le..
bye…

studies

{ October 25, 2005 @ 2:08 am } · { rubbish }
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when will i ever learn my lesson and study hard..
i felt so sad when my mum scold me..
partly coz of how useless i am..
partly on how sad i am..
coz all those words by my mum are so hurting…
all just pierced into my heart so deeping…
my tears just keep rolling.
non-stop.






in my heart..
i wanted so much to run away..
i wanted so much to just end my studyin life and get away with a job..
but i cant..






thinking back..
i have never been a good student..
in primary sch..
took primary 4 streaming…
did not do veri well..
ended up in EM2..
took primary 6 PSLE…
did not score what my mum had expected..
had an aggregate of 218..
ended up in a lousy neighbourhood sch, Juying Secondary School..
wasnt able to get into my ideal school..
which my mum wanted veri much for me to get into oso..
seperated frm my primary sch best buddy…


went into secondary school..
i still have not yet learn the lesson..
continue to be a child with no rules..
in secondary 1..
hooked on to irc chatting..
study is never a thing i do…
had a level position of 65…
whereby the cohort is of a total of 121…
in secondary 2…
continue with my online chatting…
ended up in the last class os express when promoted to secondary 3…
ended my secondary 2 with a class position of 31…
whereby my class have 40 ppl…
in secondary 3..
wasnt able to take Additional Mathematics coz my class doesnt have that subject…
and i continue to slack…
and i failed terribly in my humanities and english..
so i ended up retaining…
however..
i did quite well for my mathematics, mother tongue and combined science..
i got As for all these 3 subjects..
therefore when i retained..
i scored veri well and topped the class..
and ppl always call me top student..
and always say me…
“always slp in class for almost all lesson and still can be top student!!!!”
duhx..
and all becoz of this “title”
i became restless..
promoted to secondary 4…
start slackin again…
grades start dropping…
manage to scrape thru my secondary 4 life in JYSS with an acceptable End of Year result…
but still i fail my humanities…
started to study hard…
had my O levels..
got a B3 for every subject except for my combined humanities which i got an E8…
English, Emath, Amath, Mother Tongue, Combined Science all B3…
the first time i made my mum so proud of her gal…
scorin so well..


and from there i got into Singapore Polytechnic..
gettin myself a place in Chemical Process Technology…
and i started slacking..
in polytechnic…
nobody cares whether are u going for lessons..
so skipping lessons is something i mastered veri well..
i manage to scrape thru my Year 1 Sem 1…
but for my Sem 2..
had Microbiology..
a module i totally have no idea why am i taking it..
and i HATE that lecturer to the core!!!..
and of coz i repeat that module..
went to Year 2 Sem 1…
i think i can get a doctor degree for class skipping and oso sleeping in class…
everywk..
i will skip at least 2 lessons..
how great this student is hor..
and thus..
i get my “reward”
failing 3 modules..
how “clever” can i be rite??…
haha!!!~






think my studies realli is a total gone case..
if i am able to turn back the time..
i will want to turn it back all the way to my primary school..
haiz..
but i simply cant…..

不要说抱歉

{ October 24, 2005 @ 12:57 am } · { rubbish }
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不要说抱歉
我们应该停止了想念才可能快乐一点
无论是谁爱深谁爱浅都已是过往云烟

你太擅长对爱情冒险让我觉得不安全
于是心情开始疲倦任性就说出再见

我们以为分手了就能拥有自由的机会
你躲在别的爱浮沉我在寂寞里伤悲

你不要说抱歉
是我放你走远
我们的爱像一种季节
冬天过了却不是春天
在各自世界继续沉淀
当地球转到黑夜那边
你有没有梦见我的泪

truth

{ October 23, 2005 @ 1:20 am } · { rubbish }
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truth hurts.
nothing hurts more than this.
i felt so cheated.
i felt so pissed.
i felt so sad.
i felt so depressed.
i felt like a fool.
maybe everything is not what i have thought.
but i choose to think this way.
yeah.
call me stubborn.
stupid.
bo liao.
anything u wanna call me..
i dun care.
coz i dun care a damn now.
this is my attitude.
so why cares.
i am juz a super attitude kid.
whereby i do things MY WAY!..

i said this once and said this the last.
“this will be the last time i ever teared for this person. this will be the last time i ever think of this person.
this will be the last time i ever keep in close contact with this person. this will be the last time. never a second chance. the hurt is too much for me to bear. the hurt is too deep for me to lighten it. sorry.”

yesh i might sound ridiculous.
i might sound like some mad woman.
but people..
do put urself in what i am going thru nw…
failing 3 modules…
lost my wallet juz nw..
and i have yet found it…
and now this..
haha!!!
think all things juz come when i become rebellious…
i might be like a child whining.
but all these are the words that i realli wanted to say.
these are all the frustration that i am facing.
these are all that i am feeling..

i realli feel veri upset.
upset abt everything.
the feeling stings so much that my tears jus rolled down my cheeks when i am talking to YX abt it.
i felt like a fool.
realli.
indeed i am a fool.
yesh.
i am juz a fool again.
call me stupid
call me a dummy.
everything.
yeah.

extract

{ October 22, 2005 @ 12:39 am } · { rubbish }
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面对许多人事物，我们都需要勇气。

暗恋一个人的时候，你需要勇气开口向他表白。

明恋一个人的时候，你需要勇气要求和他牵手。

选择和一个人一刀两断的时候，你需要更多更多的勇气。

…
…
…

决定把X的号码删除
(i tried. but the number have already been printed deep in my memory)
决定不再和X见面
(i tried. but X will tend to keep appearin in front of me suddenly)
决定不再和X有任何瓜葛
(i tried. but it is impossible)
决定不再为X伤心
(i tried. but it is easier said den done)

extract frm Cruz Teng blog…
this is hw i am feeling too….
everything is so true n cruel hor…
haiz….

fine

{ October 22, 2005 @ 12:24 am } · { rubbish }
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well..
ppl.
dun worry about me.
i am fine.
have alot of thoughts in my mind.
have nt tell my parents abt it.
dun think my dad care a damn.
my mum sure say those sarcarstic remarks.
my brother sure sit dwn there listen and laugh.
what a “great” family i have hor…
bloody!
damnit!
have thoughts of quiting school and go NAFA..
study Vocal studies.
but it is so damn EXPENSIVE!!!
$12100+++
that will be my sch fees fer 3yrs of studies..
nt includin my expenses..
haiz..
think i will forgo this thought..
think i will juz keep studying.
finish this damn diploma..
go to work…
and go study in those music clinics part time.
dun ask me why i am so keen on studyin music…
the ans is juz simple..
music keeps me going.
it is something that actually prevent me frm getting bad.
yesh. i may be rebellious.
but i do know my limits.
duhx.
i do care.
but i juz dun show.
whatever it is..
all i can do nw is..
walk 1 step… look 1 step onli…
nth much happen today n yestrday..
so not much of updates..
bye bloggie..

hw great is tis

{ October 21, 2005 @ 12:45 am } · { rubbish }
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CP4009 BASIC INSTRUMENTAL ANALYSIS — F (REPEAT)
CP4010 ENVIRONMENTAL STUDIES A — F (REPEAT)
CP4014 POLYMER SCIENCE — F (REPEAT)
MS001S MATHEMATICAL GAMES AND PUZZLES — B+
CP4089 INTRODUCTION TO MICROBIOLOGY — D
CP4011 PROCESS INSTRUMENTATION — D

imagine getting tis kind of results.
who can i blame?
no one but me.
like what i once said to Jian Wen..
“worry oso no use. fail oso cannot blame anyone. onli urself. blame urself for being not hardworking. blame urself for being useless.”
all i can say is.
ya.
i am useless.
i can do nth.
damn it!
this results will be meaning me repeatin my whole SEMESTER!
hw great can this be?
superb.
isnt it?!
been thinkin abt everything but STUDIES..
useless bum i am 1.
i got nth up there in brain.
but juz coconut juice.
whoo…
dun need to care abt me.
i am juz beyond any help of any medicine.
no one can save me.
coz i am incurable.
thanks.
and
BYE!

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