Archive for July 28, 2005

upset

{ July 28, 2005 @ 2:24 pm } · { rubbish }
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third post for today..
i am realli realli sad..
i realli duno hw to describe my feelings nw..
i wanted veri much to slap him..
i wanted veri much to scold him rite into his face..
i wanted veri much to shout at him..
but..
i oso wanted veri much to be with him again..
i oso wanted veri much to love him again..
i oso wanted veri much to tell him hw much i miss him again..
i oso wantd veri much to call him dear again..
but all these can no longer be happening..
i wanted so much to cry again..
yesh…
cry….
cry all i can..
i wanted so much to turn back the time and reject him…
i wanted so much to turn back the time and stand strong on the decision i made on 18th July 2005…
i wanted so much…
i think i am too greedy..
Leng..
u asked me..
what will i reply him,
if i am given a choice again on the first time he asked..
what will be my reply..
i will definately say NO..
because i rather he forget his past le..
den be with me..
i rather we stay as friends..
but u asked..
what if he asked to be back again nw…
what will be my reply..
i will definately say YES..
why?!
because i have already promised him that i will nt regret..
but..
regards this 2 situation..
both are impossible to happen le..
i did have thoughts whether will he ask to be back again..
but nw i gt his answer veri clearly le..
ya….
like what i say…
Wenhao..,
u are nt me..
u are nt me..
u will never know how hurt i am..
yes u did went thru things like this before..
u have been hurt before..
but that doesnt mean that u will know how hurt i am….
u did went thru this before..
and why must u let me go thru this oso?!
do u think it is fair for me?!!
u are realli selfish..
u will never know how much i have put in..
u will never know how i feel..
u will never..
never ever..

DAMN!

{ July 28, 2005 @ 1:07 pm } · { rubbish }
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DAMN!!!
I HATE MYSELF..
MY TEARS JUX ROLLED DOWN…
I HATE MYSELF FOR CRYING AGAIN!!!
BLOODY!!
I HATE IT!!!
I HATE EVERYTHING!!
WHAT THE F.!!
I HATE IT!!!~
HW CAN I NUMB MYSELF FROM EVERYTHING!?!!~
MY LIFE IS NW SO MISERABLE…
I HATE MY LIFE!!!
YESH..
FINALLY I AM SICK!!!
YESH!!
BETTER IS I SICK TILL I CANT THINK..
I AM TOTALLY OUT OF MIND..
HW I WISH I CAN JUST PUT MYSELF TO SLP!!!
CAN I?!
WHERE IS THE OLD ME!!!
I WAN BACK MYSELF!!!
I REALLI WAN BACK THE OLD ME..
I DUNWAN TO CHANGE..
I DUNWAN!!!
THE TRUTH IS TOO HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT..
I AM WEAK..
VERI..
VERI..
I WANNA BITE…
I WANNA BITE…
IS THERE SOMETHING FOR ME TO BITE!!!
WHO CAN LET ME BITE?!!@
ARGH!!@~
FARK…
ASSHOLE..
DAMN!!
I AM SUCH A WEAKLING..
I HATE WEAKLING…
I CANT STOP CRYING..
WHY!!!
I HATE EVERYTHING…
I HATE..
I HATE…

unable

{ July 28, 2005 @ 10:23 am } · { rubbish }
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all i can say is thankz to all those ppl ard me..
they realli encourage me alot..
but what i can say..
i still cant forget..
too difficult..
i hate myself for being so weak..
nv i have been so weak…
whenever i see msg-es…
i will always hope that it is him..
to me…
i am realli veri xin ku..
i realli duno what to do..
coz i cant always e moody in front of frenx..
and yet..
i am totally restless..
i am nt happy at all..
hw..
i realli feel like juz ending everything..
but i cant take my life so lightly..
i cant..
i realli hate it…
i have never been such a person to the extend of crying and begging..
but…
i realli duno why..
i will actually do that…
maybe this hurt too much..
i realli wanna numb myself from everything..
but how?!!~
all i wan is him back..
but it is realli impossible for him oso..
why?!
i am thinkin..
if it wasnt that gal..
maybe things will nt be this…
if we have nt met..
things will nt be this way too..
if we right from the start…
dun know each other..
things will nt be this way oso..
i regretted deleting all those stuffs..
i regretted..
but there is nth i can do…
i dun think he will ever read my blog again ba…
i duno..
maybe he is still reading..
maybe he isnt….
but i dun think he care much..
coz we are no longer frenx?
i duno..

to *u…
even though i dun think u will ever read my blog anymore..
but i still think i shld jux type it out ba…
i realli dun understand why u give up so fast..
realli..
i realli dun understand..
why cant u jux fulfil ur promises to me…
why?~
u promised me to be with me and slowly forget her..
and i know it will sure to take a long time..
but why…
the time is so short..
no amt of sorry can cause my hurt to go off..
do u know how much i have put in…
do u know how hurt i am when i receive the sms..
do u know how depressed am i..
have u thought of these when u first decided to be together with me..
have u thought before what will happen to me..
if things become this way?!
i dun think u have..
to speak the truth..
i rather u nt asked me to be with u right from the start..
i rather remain friends with u..
i rather let u forget her first..
i rather be alone..
but…
things can never be changed once u asked..
have u realli thought of it before?!
i dun think u have ba..
coz.. if u have..
i dun think this will be the ending..
maybe that explain why u nv say u love me ba…
maybe that explain why u always asked whether i got regret anot..
and if i have nw or future.. u will nt force me to be with u ba…
maybe that explain why u nv say u miss me ba..
maybe..
i duno..
i realli duno…
i am totally lost..