Archive for July, 2005

sunday

{ July 31, 2005 @ 6:56 pm } · { rubbish }
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so bored..
haiz..
well well well..
i am so angry today…
coz my dad never help me record!!!~
argh!!
guys can realli NOT be trusted at all sia!!~
always give empty promises..
argh!!
so pissed..
haiz..
i cant comment much on de gals le..
so sad..
nw my leg veri itchy..
think gt mosquitoes bite le..
shit!!~
argh!!!~
i hate mosquitoes bite..
everytime i kana den will swell big big 1..
sian 1/2…
haiz..
life suckx..
my arm oso pain..
coz of de blueblack..
coz i bite myself that day..
haiz…
wanted to bite again.
wahahahha!~
my teeth growing!!~
lalalalala~
i haben start my report leh..
hw?!~
haiz..
think tonite no need slp le..
nvm..
tml lesson end at 12…
great!!~
den i can go hme slp…
but think tml gt NDP prac sia..
i dunwan go!!~
so stupid 1..
lame..
me n Xinjie always go there waste time..
haiz..
watever..
nw no mood study..
wanted veri much to slp..
haiz…
quick!! i wan GRADUATE!!!~
haiz…
boring life…

my family members are goin msia next wk…
so frm saturday onwards i will be alone at hme again..
den gt 1 more cousin la..
but me and him never talk 1…
haiz..
hw am i goin to survive?!~
duhx..
but think i will nt be goin hme on next sat oso..
shall go out ton..
coz next day 11am gt church svc at Singapore Indoor Stadium..
den after that can go hme ba..
haha!!~
yeahyeah~
sometimes i juz love the time when i can be alone at hme..
though it is kind of lonely..
but somehw or rather i enjoy it veri much and i love it..
coz it means no curfew..
no nagging..
but it requires much discipline lo..
haiz…
watever..
shall see as the time comes..
bye bloggie…..

saturday

{ July 31, 2005 @ 12:40 am } · { rubbish }
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today wake up at 1145am…
gt a shock lo..
coz i had a nitemare!!~
haha!!!
coz i dreamt abt Wenhao..
haha!!!~
wah lauz eh..
of all but him..!!
eh.. uncle can dun haunt me anot@?~!
at sudong island still wanna haunt me sia!!~
buay tahan…
haha!!~
keke!!
no offends..
haha!!!

anyway..
today watched the re-telecast of the Superstar..
saw de guys 1..
all i can say is..
i agree with the audience tat the Weichoong shld be out..
but i dun think tat Jason shld be in oso..
coz he is no better than Weichoong..
and as for WeiLian…
he gt gd voice..
but wat i can say is..
he cant be a Superstar..
well.. coz of his handicap..
i think.. is realli pity..
as for the gals..
i have yet see it..
waiting to see tml..

but got church service..
having deliverance service..
well..
i am lookin forward to it..
coz everytime i will be veri excited abt delieverance services..
duno why..
shall ask my daddi to help me record..
den i can watch it tml..~!! yeap..

today..
went for de NDP rehearsal..
sucks lo..
haiz..
den i think my finger is injured lo..
duno why..
veri pain..
den whenever i finish pract..
it will be so damn pain..
den de vein will pop out kind..
ar~! veri er xin ritE?!!~
haiz..
my body is startin to nt functioning well..
think i better take good care of myself le..
kneecap, finger, eye (i gt bad eyesight), health (getting flu very easily), ankle..
haiz..
den off n on will get gastric..
duhx..
pimples are poppin out again like nobody business..
haiz..
i think all the late nitex…
causes them lo..

well..
back to NDP rehearsal..
believe it anot..
we reach JE.. perform 1 time..
den go hme..
duhz..
waste time..
if dun count the waiting time..
i think everyting onli lasted fer 10mins!!!
wat the heck!!
and i gt myself veri muddy..
de shoes… jeans!!
yuckS!!!
i saw someone familiar there lo..!!!
haha~
and it is none other den Chye Seng…
so shock to see him lo..
and oso surprise that he actually still remember me..
by first look lo..
he can remember me sia..
haha!!~
shocked lo..
and realise he studyin in NYP nw..
whOo!!!
and mind u.!! he was frm Normal Tech lo!!!!!!
whOo!! power leh..
well..
saw Belinda and Chew Chor Meng..
oh man..
i tell u..
Belinda is so damn CHIO!!
love her so much lo..
so PRETTY!!
her complexion..
wah lauz..
i tell u..!!
is realli FLAWLESS!!~
and her skin tone..
is so PERFECT!!
coOL!!!~
haha..
okok..
i am goin mad..
haha!
anyway..
after that went JE with Xinjie-dear n Weixia..
bought this bear HP accessory..
veri cute..
u press de stomach hor..
den will have the sound “*smooch* i love u!”
so cute!!!~
haha!!~
den after that go Pasar Malam..
den was looking for HP housing fer Leng-dear..
coz she wan white HP hsing..
sorry la..
i cant afford original kind..
haha!
so have to find those cheapo kind..
but duno why..
juz cant find whitE!!!
so in de end never buy…
haiyoz..
*Leng-dear, will buy fer u next time if i see any k~?”
den after that go hme lo..
den rotx ard..
and here i am still typing..

well..
suddenly i am so scared of myself..
i find myself realli to scary..
i can be so happy at this moment..
and de next depressed till like tat will be the end of de world..
and yet so many things happened..
and i stil can be so happy..
and in de end i am de one consolin him abt his past…
wah lauz…
no wonder no guys will wan me sia..
haha!!~
coz i am juz too strong fer a gal le..
haha! dun need guys at all..
duH..
but i need frenz..
i need lots n lots of frenx..
yeaP!!
and i need Leng~ hahah!!~
*vomits*
ok..
i think i crap enuf le..
have to go chat chat awhile more den go orr orr le!! yeaP!

bloggie..
i realli love u lo…
forever so gd to me..haha!!~
yeap!!
i love u, bloggie!!~

guilty..

{ July 30, 2005 @ 1:25 am } · { rubbish }
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well…
hmmm…
i felt kind of guilty…
coz i nv realised that i have changed..
till Peile say tat in her blog..
den asked Weiling..
realised i did changed..
haiz…
where is the cheerful me huh?!!
well..
i think the cheerful me is coming back again la..
so dun worry k!!!
realli wanna apologise to all those ppl that are worried abt me..
i am realli fine le..
we are nw frenx again…
yeap..
haha!!
everything gonna be fine le…
yeaP~
actually i realli duno what have i realli did the past few days..
i think i am totally out of mind ba.
haha!!
crazy la..
nan de fa feng yi xia~
haha!
well..
hmmm…
jux nw Meifong ask me abt wat happen…
told her..
and her reply to me is..
“hw come u still can still look so ok nw?!”
hmm..
if nt u wan me cry in front of u ppl meh?~
haha!!
i dun cry in front of ppl la…
or rather i rarely..
unless i am too tired…
and oso….
i have thought things out le la..
all these nt worth it lo..
realli..
and i realli cant afford to lose him..
he is realli a fren tat i treasure so much..
no more than that..
realli..!!
haha!!!~
did nth much today oso..
studied 1 chapter of Process Instrumentation..
nth more..
tml got NDP rehearsal..
haiz..
sian…
yawns..
monday finish clz at 12noon..
think gonna chiong PI le..
but lookin for ppl for lunch..
any one interested?@!~~
haha!!~
and oso…
wanna find ppl go watch movie…
haha!!~
lalalala!!~
talkin abt movie…
reminds me that i have nt yet finish watchin the Howl’s moving castle!!
argh!!!
Peile!!! when are we goin to continue watch!?~!~
hahaha!!!
ok.. i think i better go slp le.. kind of tired le..
yaWns…

alone

{ July 29, 2005 @ 3:11 pm } · { rubbish }
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here i am blogging again..
aha!
nw in co rm..
doing nth..
slept at 3am ystrday..
wake up at 11am..
for this whole week..
i never slp over 12noon..
haiz..
i wanted so much to slp la!!~
and i am out every single day till damn late…
think my mum is realli kind of pissed with me..
well..
but i nv regret la..
coz at least i manage to get out of my depression ba…
although i said everything is fine la..
but still..
a small part of me still clinging on to the hope..
though it is realli impossible..
haha!~
dun worry..
i m ok…
yeaP~
haha!!!~
anyway..
today reached sch at 1pm..
den rot a while then Yinzhi came…
after that go makan with Hongye, Jonathan and Yinzhi…
den after that go back SE room rotx.
den nw they go T14 computer lab play lan…
den i go back CO rm rot myself to death ba~!~
haha!!
bo liaoz…
realli damn sian..
wanted veri much to study..
but no mood la..
wah lauz!!!
damns…
whatever la..
haiz…

//i still miss u..//

i am fine

{ July 29, 2005 @ 1:31 am } · { rubbish }
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hmm…
ok..
i think i am fine le la!!~
i think i have been a nuisance for quite some times le..
think it is time for me to pick myself up..
and let time heal my wounds..
well…
i will nt delete away all those postings..
but i will keep it..
and remind myself on hw hurt i am..
and learn frm this lesson ba..
yes..
i will still be sad la..
but nt as sad as before..
coz i dun see a point forcin him lo..
yeap..
den somemore today oso scold him thru sms le..
and cry oso again..
but i siao siao..
go bite myself veri hard on my hand..
stupid..
haha!!
so pain..
but at least it reminds me to stay strong…
yeaP!!
haha~
but i will nt to de extend of hurting myself..
like cutting myself, slashing myself, or end my life…
haha!!
i dunwanna hurt myself liydat..
nt worth it…
i am still young.
i dunwanna die so earli!!!
i still wanna live!!!!~
wahhahaha!!~
and to me..
i dunwanna lose such a great fren oso..
to me..
he is realli a veri veri gd fren..
a fren that i realli treasure alot..
yeaP~
cannot becoz of all these den make him sound as if he is qian gu zui ren..
and make me majiam siao charbo trying so hard to get him la…
haha!!~
eh!!uncle, dun be too gan dong hor!!!~haha!!~
well..
all i can say is..
at least he make me happy for 6days ba~
yeaP!
at least i will never ever have any regret in my decision ba~
and also i shld realli pick myself up and live my life..
coz i cant carry on liydat..
i must start to concentrate in handling SPCO n my sch work..
i cant afford to fail my studies again..
i need to work hard…..
ar~but..
i have wasted my holidays on dwelling so much..
duhx..
haiz..
2reports, 1quiz, 1 case study..
all nt touched!!
duhx..
think tml go sch..
realli have to finish up.
if nt..
haha!!
when sch reopen..
i can bang wall le la..!!!
yaya~

well well well..
i realli enjoy myself today…
met Leng n Jolyn..
went to walk ard @ Bugis Street lo..
den talk alot of things la..
den Jolyn buy a bag..
den inside the shop..
we crap alot..
den de boy boy who is workin there keep laughin at us lo..
so funny..
den after that go take neoprints..
haha!
nice nice!!~
den after that go eat at a coffee shop..
den had laksa..
haha!!
i am kind of asking for trouble…
eatin laksa with an empty stomach..
but hai hao..
the gastric nt too bad..
coz i never add too much chilli..
haha!!~
den talk lots of rubbish there..
PI GU!!!~
CHICKEN!!!
ROOSTER!!
haha!!
den tat Jolyn veri funny..
i show them de teethmark that i bite myself..
den she say..
“eh.. u dun do anything silly leh.. if u wan.. must tell me first… den i can call 995 fer u…”
haha!
laugh till i pengx..
she majiam praying veri hard i will do anything silly..
haha!!~
den after that go play pool…
at this place… duno where..
so cool lo de place..
but veri expensive oso..
played fer ard 2hrs…
cost 33bucks..
but we gt 5bucks offer..
coz of this vocher Jolyn had..
den after that Jonathan came to join us..
had small talks with Leng n Jolyn..
haha!!~
secret talks..
lalalala~!~
den Leng become siao siao..
keep say wanna woo me..
wahhahaha!!~
later ppl thought i am so hurt till i becum Les hW?!~~
haha!~
no la..
she jux kidding ba~
haha!
nvm..
1 mth anniversary k!! haha~
den we go celebratE!!~
hahahaha!~!
den after that met up with Yinzhi..
den talk rubbish at Mac..
haha!!
den talk until dunwana go hme…
den Yinzhi gt this veri cute bear..
haha!!~
*aiming*
den after that go hme la..
reach hme at 12plus..
den my mum nt happy liao..
haha!!~
dun care~haha!!
watever…
well..
i realli enjoy myself today..
so much laughters..
so much joy..
first time ever since i fell…
haha!!
realli..
thankz lots..
and oso..
must realli thankz Yinzhi..
ha~
i have been veri bad to him..
been hitting him often..
having him as my chu qi tong..
so kelian..
haha!!~
but still he still allow me to hit him~!~
haha!!
gd gd gd~!~
lalalalala!~!~
ya.
thankz…

upset

{ July 28, 2005 @ 2:24 pm } · { rubbish }
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third post for today..
i am realli realli sad..
i realli duno hw to describe my feelings nw..
i wanted veri much to slap him..
i wanted veri much to scold him rite into his face..
i wanted veri much to shout at him..
but..
i oso wanted veri much to be with him again..
i oso wanted veri much to love him again..
i oso wanted veri much to tell him hw much i miss him again..
i oso wantd veri much to call him dear again..
but all these can no longer be happening..
i wanted so much to cry again..
yesh…
cry….
cry all i can..
i wanted so much to turn back the time and reject him…
i wanted so much to turn back the time and stand strong on the decision i made on 18th July 2005…
i wanted so much…
i think i am too greedy..
Leng..
u asked me..
what will i reply him,
if i am given a choice again on the first time he asked..
what will be my reply..
i will definately say NO..
because i rather he forget his past le..
den be with me..
i rather we stay as friends..
but u asked..
what if he asked to be back again nw…
what will be my reply..
i will definately say YES..
why?!
because i have already promised him that i will nt regret..
but..
regards this 2 situation..
both are impossible to happen le..
i did have thoughts whether will he ask to be back again..
but nw i gt his answer veri clearly le..
ya….
like what i say…
Wenhao..,
u are nt me..
u are nt me..
u will never know how hurt i am..
yes u did went thru things like this before..
u have been hurt before..
but that doesnt mean that u will know how hurt i am….
u did went thru this before..
and why must u let me go thru this oso?!
do u think it is fair for me?!!
u are realli selfish..
u will never know how much i have put in..
u will never know how i feel..
u will never..
never ever..

DAMN!

{ July 28, 2005 @ 1:07 pm } · { rubbish }
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DAMN!!!
I HATE MYSELF..
MY TEARS JUX ROLLED DOWN…
I HATE MYSELF FOR CRYING AGAIN!!!
BLOODY!!
I HATE IT!!!
I HATE EVERYTHING!!
WHAT THE F.!!
I HATE IT!!!~
HW CAN I NUMB MYSELF FROM EVERYTHING!?!!~
MY LIFE IS NW SO MISERABLE…
I HATE MY LIFE!!!
YESH..
FINALLY I AM SICK!!!
YESH!!
BETTER IS I SICK TILL I CANT THINK..
I AM TOTALLY OUT OF MIND..
HW I WISH I CAN JUST PUT MYSELF TO SLP!!!
CAN I?!
WHERE IS THE OLD ME!!!
I WAN BACK MYSELF!!!
I REALLI WAN BACK THE OLD ME..
I DUNWAN TO CHANGE..
I DUNWAN!!!
THE TRUTH IS TOO HARD FOR ME TO ACCEPT..
I AM WEAK..
VERI..
VERI..
I WANNA BITE…
I WANNA BITE…
IS THERE SOMETHING FOR ME TO BITE!!!
WHO CAN LET ME BITE?!!@
ARGH!!@~
FARK…
ASSHOLE..
DAMN!!
I AM SUCH A WEAKLING..
I HATE WEAKLING…
I CANT STOP CRYING..
WHY!!!
I HATE EVERYTHING…
I HATE..
I HATE…

unable

{ July 28, 2005 @ 10:23 am } · { rubbish }
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all i can say is thankz to all those ppl ard me..
they realli encourage me alot..
but what i can say..
i still cant forget..
too difficult..
i hate myself for being so weak..
nv i have been so weak…
whenever i see msg-es…
i will always hope that it is him..
to me…
i am realli veri xin ku..
i realli duno what to do..
coz i cant always e moody in front of frenx..
and yet..
i am totally restless..
i am nt happy at all..
hw..
i realli feel like juz ending everything..
but i cant take my life so lightly..
i cant..
i realli hate it…
i have never been such a person to the extend of crying and begging..
but…
i realli duno why..
i will actually do that…
maybe this hurt too much..
i realli wanna numb myself from everything..
but how?!!~
all i wan is him back..
but it is realli impossible for him oso..
why?!
i am thinkin..
if it wasnt that gal..
maybe things will nt be this…
if we have nt met..
things will nt be this way too..
if we right from the start…
dun know each other..
things will nt be this way oso..
i regretted deleting all those stuffs..
i regretted..
but there is nth i can do…
i dun think he will ever read my blog again ba…
i duno..
maybe he is still reading..
maybe he isnt….
but i dun think he care much..
coz we are no longer frenx?
i duno..

to *u…
even though i dun think u will ever read my blog anymore..
but i still think i shld jux type it out ba…
i realli dun understand why u give up so fast..
realli..
i realli dun understand..
why cant u jux fulfil ur promises to me…
why?~
u promised me to be with me and slowly forget her..
and i know it will sure to take a long time..
but why…
the time is so short..
no amt of sorry can cause my hurt to go off..
do u know how much i have put in…
do u know how hurt i am when i receive the sms..
do u know how depressed am i..
have u thought of these when u first decided to be together with me..
have u thought before what will happen to me..
if things become this way?!
i dun think u have..
to speak the truth..
i rather u nt asked me to be with u right from the start..
i rather remain friends with u..
i rather let u forget her first..
i rather be alone..
but…
things can never be changed once u asked..
have u realli thought of it before?!
i dun think u have ba..
coz.. if u have..
i dun think this will be the ending..
maybe that explain why u nv say u love me ba…
maybe that explain why u always asked whether i got regret anot..
and if i have nw or future.. u will nt force me to be with u ba…
maybe that explain why u nv say u miss me ba..
maybe..
i duno..
i realli duno…
i am totally lost..

thoughts

{ July 27, 2005 @ 11:09 pm } · { rubbish }
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almost shed a tear today..
but never..
ha~
coz i told Engine..
that i will nt shed a tear anymore..
and i promise myself that i will nt shed a tear anymore…
i dun break promises..
at least i tried to fulfil promises..
even if it is a promise to myself..
ya…
wake up at 9plus today..
acutally thought of slpin till late late..
den go sch…
but…
i juz cant slp..
whenever i close my eyes..
things start haunting me..
anyway..
went to sch today…
den Leng was there..
den she wanna make me happy today..
and she treated me KFC..
thankz…
realli appreciate it..
den talk to her abt everything..
talk to her abt alot of things..
everything under the sun..
in the end never study nor do my report…
den Mr Lee came..
and had mtg..
talked alot of funny things…
frm changin names to ppl in SCO…
den to his salary…
and oso de art of palmistry..
duHx..
den went clementi had dinner..
actually wanna stay behind alone in CO rm..
but in de end still went..
den reach there..
halfway Yinzhi gt headache..
haiyoz..
den asked for panadol..
den see him keep coughin oso..
ask him go see doctor and stop eating those food oso will nt listen..
shld buy dog food for him..
cannot ill treat doggie~
haha!..
den went hme….
and here i am bloggin…

well…
actually typed a veri long post in 1 blog that i purposely set up…
juz for him..
duno whether he read already anot..
duno what is he thinkin after he read…
i duno..
i dun dare to ask…
and i duno hw to ask…
somehw or rather..
i still pin on to the hope that he will be back again…
am i rather stupid?!
ha!!
Leng asked me oso…
and i say yes i will..
i will say yes again if he gonna ask again..
i will never ever regret…
ha!~..
i think i am jus dreamin ba…
dun think it is possible that he will ask again..
and i already said, cry, begged…
i realli duno what to do next oso le…
life does goes on..
but my mind is still stopped at the day we went airport..
whatever..
i have tried lots of ways to forget..
to the extend of deletin his number away in my HP..
but i already memorised his number…
delete away his account from both my friendster account…
delete away our chat logs in msn..
delete away all the sms-es he sent me…
delete away the bikes pic he sent me…
but i still cant forget everything…
it is so difficult…

tired

{ July 27, 2005 @ 9:51 am } · { rubbish }
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jus feel like bloggin la..
nth much i can do oso..
i oso duno what to do oso..
feel like giving up and holding on to it at the same time..
alot ppl might say..
its just a period of less than 1week..
nth much 1 la…
i thought so too…
but nw i realise..
it is too much for me..
i am totally out of the world…
i almost did something that is of total worthless on monday…
haha~!
was thinkin whether shld i give or nt..
nvm..
my life sucks…
in life i nv get things accomplished..
i wanted so much to quit..
suan le..
i think the onli time whereby i can forget everything will onli after i get my life out of SPCO ba..
too much memories that will be back to haunt me..
haunting me so deeply..
i cant slp..
it stings like nv b4….
damn..
i sound as if i will die..
duhx..
yes.. my heart and soul did died..
but i am still ard..
peepx.
dun worry..
i will never do anything foolish…
i am still the same old me..
i will be de same old VICTORIA CHEW RONG PING that u guys know…
but jux that i am wearin the depression outfit with me….
ya..
i still can joke ard…
but i will be jux as cheerful?!~
hmm…
actually i have thoughts of closing dwn this blog..
but i realli dun have the heart to…
coz this is the onli place where i can say all i can…
and this is de onli place where i felt most peaceful nw…
this is a place where my tears and joy are being penned down..
and my hardwork too..
and if i close it dwn…
i think u ppl will no longer see me online..
the onli i can do online is jux to blog ma…

duno why…
i wanted to see him so much……
argh…
i hate the days when he is back…..
duHx…
never mind…

[[will there be a genie there to fulfil my dreams....]]

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