justme

well.. wanted 2 post tis fer veri long le.. but juz i have no time 2 type.. but before proceeding i wanna say is….

*~whoever is reading this.. sorry if i offended u…~*

okay.. first.. i wan 2 say abt.. wat?… ok.. i will say abt frenz ard me… yesh.. i realli have mani frenz ard me.. but sumtimes i feel tat i am a jerk.. why?~ coz i kind of neglect sum of my frenz.. why?~ coz i tend 2 get too busy with my orchestra thingy n sutffs.. which leads 2 mani times i onli realli hang out with certain grp out ppl.. tat explains why i prefer going co room den hanging our with clzmates.. ok.. i shall touch abt clzmates later…



secondly.. i am truely.. nt veri happy wat is happening nw.. i duno why.. say i am sensitive.. say i am jealous… or juz say tat i am a fake person.. ok.. i admit…. i truely duno hw 2 be a real gd fren… be there fer u whenever u need me? be there when onli u need a listening ear n yet i am nt listening 2 wat de heck u are tokin… n acting as if i care… ? or izzit listening 2 u complaining n yet i have no complains.. frankly speaking.. i am 1 who is selective at topics i wanna tok.. yesh.. i am a freak.. tats why i tend 2 have frenz tat will in de end hate me.. ok.. str8 2 de pt.. i am mean.. yesh i admit.. i am sum1 who tok real str8… i dun mind ppl tokin str8 into my face.. but i seriously cannot take it when it is frm sum1 i love or even sum 1 i respect… my tears juz cant seems 2 be control when i am being reprimanded by sum1 i love/respect… i admit i am a veri proud person.. ok.. so?~ i am proud of myself….. u mean i cant be proud of myself? maybe coz i am over confidence abt myself.. ok.. i dun care… n i dunwan 2 care… seriously.. i admit.. i blocked a few frenz frm msn.. why?! coz i sumtimes realli dun feel like toking 2 a few… which cause me 2 do this..



next.. let me talk abt my church frenz.. yesh i admit.. they are real gd ppl.. but sumtimes i wonder.. are they nice 2 me coz they have 2? coz they have 2 obey de commandments of God.. i have always acting nice 2 sum1 but yet in my heart.. i am so disgusted by tat person n myself… why?! *if u are my cgm n reading this.. i wanna apologise u 2 all first… * sumtimes.. i feel so fake.. in me.. i am realli.. thinking of leaving church.. nt tat i dun love God.. i do love Him… i dun deny tat He is realli a faithful God.. but i feel tired… going 2 church n cell grp wks aftr wks n yet i seems so dead.. be it praying or bible readin.. i am nt veri faithful doing it.. i duno.. and i have alot of other commitments n nw.. persecution frm my parents… fer commitments… i have my sch.. i have spco.. i have my co outside… these 3 things.. i admit… is sumtings tat i will nv ever let go… they are my dreams… be a chemist.. be sum1 who can excel in co.. be a professional player in co… i am lost.. dun ask me why.. i realli duno… dun tok 2me abt this.. i simply dunwan 2 discuss this issue with anibody… i am juz saying out juz 2 release my anger n tinkings…. be it u are my cgm or christian frenz… i know.. a few of u are reading my blog… treat it as u duno it… i hate it when sum1 read my blog n start go ard telling ppl things n start scolding me when u dun even know exactly hw i feel..!!! why have i becum so worldly? i simply duno.. perharps is de temptation.. perharps is de things tat i cant let go off.. so whoever reading.. pls understand wat i am trying 2 explain!!!



nw.. abt my clz.. i have mentioned b4.. i have a few close frenz in clz.. ppl like Felisia, Angie, YuXing, Huijie.. de 5 of us are always 2gtr… but.. things started changing when i start 2 drift away when things turn sour between me n Yuxing tat time after de clz thingy.. though nw all de things are cleared.. but i have realise.. de frenship between de 5of us is gone… i simply cant seems 2 click with them.. why?~ maybe coz of de topics tat they tok.. i simply cant get myself interested in.. fer Yuxing.. although i can see tat she is realli trying veri hard 2 be nice n realli share her stuffs with me.. but still i feel tat gap between de 2 of us.. i simply duno why… izzit tat i have this barrel in my heart coz of wat have happen b4? i duno.. nw in clz.. i have nt been with de 4 of them animore.. it is like as if we had a veri big fight b4.. i dun deny.. i have sum dislikes abt Angie’s n Huijie’s attitude.. but still they are my frenz.. wat can i do.. ok.. den nw.. seeing the 4 of them so close 2each other.. de jealously in me seems 2 grow.. i duno why… perharps it is man’s nature.. i duno..*yuxing.. i know u are reading my blog… so wanna apologise 2 u first* ok.. den though nw i am hanging out more with Ruru they all.. but still i feel tat me.. i am juz so fake.. unable 2 click with the previous ppl le… den cum n click 2 another grp… i realli feel so fake in me lo… this explains why i seems so unhappy n yet i am putting up a smiley face… i hate de fake me.. that freaking disgusting feeling is back lo.. i hate tat…..

well.. i think i enjoy myself 2day la..haha!! though a bit boring but still i enjoy.. de onli regret is.. Jie is nt there…sOb!!!well.. coz she gt performance… well.. it has already becum a routine fer me 2 countdown my Christmas n New Yr eve with her… this year.. nth change..~ we countdown 2gtr again..haha!!



well.. ystrday… went 2 Singapore Indoor Stadium fer church service… well shall nt elaborate abt it… er… kind of tired n fed up.. but suan le.. ok.. my fault fer being late… ok.. stop!! den after service.. i went off 2 meet Aileen n went back.. she dropped off at Jurong East 2 go meet her fren go watch movie.. den i went str8 hme 2 put my bag n went out again 2 meet Jie… den we went 2 community centre n check it out whether ani interesting countdwn.. but 2 our disappointment.. there isnt ani.. well.. so we decide 2 walk 2 JurongPoint.. which is like so far..haha!!ard 30-40mins walk lo.. so we walk.. halfway… is like already 1 more bus stop..den we will reach le.. den we decided 2 go my hse n play computeR!!haha… den went back my hse.. den my mum ask her 2 stay overnite lo.. coz is so late le.. even though she live veri near.. but still nt safe fer de 2 of us lo.. coz i was tinking of sending her back 2 her hse if she wanna go hme…haha!!



ok.. u all may wonder..why muz i send her hme… haha!! coz.. she is still xiao meimei~haha!! no la.. she ar.. 3yrs younger lo..same age as my younger brother.. unbelievable~ haha!! but duno why we click so well..haha!! n yet me n her elder sister is like water n fire?!haha!!!

den after tat… my dad cum in.. ask her 2 stay oso..haha!! den she stayed lo.. den she sit at my brother’s table…which is side by side 2 mine… den using my brother’s laptop.. online.. msn chat with me… n Yikloong.. lame rite?~haha!! sitting beside me n yet chatting with me… ONLINE!!!haha! den play till 3am.. we start 2 feel tired le.. so decided 2 slp..den wake up at 6am.. send her back hme.. den i went back n slp again…



den was suppose 2 meet her 915am..but i was late.. i overslept.. she called @ 920am n i am still slping like a pig…haha!! den after tat she cum up 2 my hse..den waited fer me while i go prepare..haha!! den we took cab over 2 practice lo.. when get into de cab… de fare is $3.40… when alighting.. de fare is still $3.40.. so can u all imagine hw near it is?~haha!! n yet de 2 of us lazy 2 walk.. coz it is so hot n i was de 1 who is late.. so i decide 2 pay la..haha!!



den after tat reach there… practice haben start.. den de Soka ppl still chanting.. diaOz.. so scary… den after tat teacher came.. den we tried 2 psycho Jie 2 nt go her CO performance n instead go 2 teacher’s hse have christmas meal~..haha! but in de end she decide 2 go lo..



den after practice.. me, James, Lihua, Jason, Mingkwang took teacher’s car back 2 his hse.. den went 2 his hse n play lo.. den we onli left at 630pm..



den reach hme.. went 2 Pioneer mall with my parents.. den wanted 2 buy a new handphone lo.. coz i saw in newspaper.. panasonic X70 selling at de price of $48 onli lo.. provided signing up a new line lo..den i was like so happy… den called my dad.. den my mum agree 2 let me have it lo… first time.. telling her abt this kind of thing n she agree let me have it.. den so happy tat time.. den went there.. see… dunhave!!!! coz my daddi say try n check whether starhub gt anot.. den dunhave… den try singtel.. they say no more tat fone.. den i was like… why!!! den i so sad..nearly cry.. haiz.. den suan le.. den my daddi say tml go westmall see whether got anot lo.. coz there gt M1 shop…haiz.. realli wish fer a new fone la… till nw.. i have yet 2 have a real new fone tat belongs to me lo.. took my Starhub line fer like 2yrs plus le.. i onli have a fone of my own.. Nokia 3315.. haiz.. so lame lo.. i am craving fer a fone!!! argH.. den nw was tinking.. either i take M1 tat line with panasonic X70 onli $48bucks… or i am going 2 buy a 2nd-hand panasonic GD88 without line @ $250 lo.. haiz.. shall see hw…. *gone*