justme

well.. 2day suppose 2 go fer Strikeforce… n sumting stupid happen… my mum.. yesh.. she again.. cum in n start scolding… i realli cannot understand.. wat is it tat she wants.. i realli getting more n more fed up… as if i going there is play.. pls la.. is fer Chingay leh… i realli duno wat 2 say le… sumtimes hw i wish i can juz vanish into thin air.. den she will nt have so mani troubles n waste her energy scolding me… realli.. hw i wish i have the courage… n juz end it.. i realli hate it.. trying 2 fake a strong side in front of her n nt cry.. but my tears simply cant be controlled… the words that she said… realli are juz like those sharp knifes stabbing into my heart… i hate it lo.. she tink i loves 2 quarrel wid her meh? she doesnt noe that i am suffering the pain in my heart even after de quarrels that we have… i weep silently n nt let her noe.. why? coz i dun wan her 2 be worry fer me… is this an act of insensible?! but juz i realli cant stand de way she is treating me lo.. as if i am nt her child.. as if i am a jinx… oh pls.. if i am.. den why in de first place bring me 2 this world!!! yesh i cant deny tat sumtimes she is realli veri great.. but sumtimes… she juz vent all her anger on me.. when she faced problems @ her work place.. she will cum hme n whoever gets a bit rowdy will get it frm her.. ok.. this i cant blame.. but cant she be more rational!!! i realli cannot tolerate this..

haiz.. think maybe i am juz a failure in everyting that i do.. nt doing well in my major exams like PSLE, Sec2 Streaming, O lvl, Poly Sem1…

PSLE… with reference 2 my usual sch results.. getting into Jurong Secondary is nt a problem @ all.. and in the end.. i end up in Juying Secondary… my last choice… why?! coz i gt too nervous during my PSLE coz is de first time taking a major exam…… den is my Sec2 streaming.. i gt into de last class of express… without AMATH… a subject tat i realli wanna take… n yesh… i am devasted @ tat pt of time.. i cant blame ani1… tat is because i am addicted 2 net chatting.. ok.. this is my fault… den… during my sec3 yr… sumting happen… my good fren.. a fren i knew since pri 1…. sum1 whom i am always in contact wid n will meet up @ least once a wk… joining de same CO…. she committed sucide… on 24thJune2001.. i am totally lost… i cant concentrate at all in sch.. i skip sch 2 attend her funeral.. because of this… i nearly got demerit pts n have to see the principal.. this thing took me almost 1yr…to actually accept the truth tat she is gone.. forever… n i failed my english n humanities in sec 3… with de other subjects scoring A1, A2… other den my d&t… n plus.. my attitude changed totally.. becum rebellious in sch.. n this causes me unable 2 be promote to sec4… so i gt retained… in sec3.. even though i was de top scholar in class…my results are still nt veri gd… eng n humanities still fail… the worse thing is.. another attack came… gt backstabbed by fren… a fren tat i trusted n treasured so much… though is over.. but still i took a long time 2 overcum it… then… my O lvl.. though i manage 2 pass… but still.. i fail humanities… n my EMATH n AMATH n MT dropped all the way frm A1 to B3… i am realli unsatisfied with my result… nw.. in poly… sem1… scored such lousy result.. haiz… i realli.. think i am nt de piece of material 2 study…

nw… fer chinese orchestra… been learning since after PSLE.. after my fren’s death… my mum strongly against me joining back… i get so sad… coz i have realli fall in love with CO… it have been so long le.. almost going 6yrs le.. been in CO fer almost 6yrs le.. n yet.. my skills… lousy… n cant even solo…!!! dun say solo… ask me play alone in de orchestra is impossible fer me.. coz my skills.. is nt there yet!!!!!!! especially after watching the Ruan performance ystrday.. i am even more sure that i am a lousy player…

den is my cca in secondary sch.. joined choir n badminton… was in sch team fer badminton.. but de standard between me n de best player… is still 1 whole big gap!!! my stamina.. is forever de worst in de team.. playing the doubles… and cant even win a lousy sch….as in choir.. i am always being changed to different parts of alto 2 help out.. n though i enjoy it.. but i cant realli learn sumtings out of it.. but still i love singing… den the worst thing is.. during the first yr of my sec 3… i have 2 give up either choir or badminton..!!!! i am totally in a lost again.. i dunwanna lose both.. in the end.. i have no choice.. but i chose badminton… but in de end.. i went MIA n becum cca-less..

all these realli concludes that i am a total failure.. in watever i do…

eXpressive: 5/10

Practical: 2/10

Physical: 4/10

Giver: 7/10

You are a RSIG–Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Giver. This makes you a People-Pleaser.Oh, RSIG! You are the most complicated and dynamic of any type. You are brilliant, tender, romantic and a joy to be with. You’re the favorite of many of your friends. It’s just not a party until you get there. You are bursting with feeling and sentiment and insight but you very rarely express it — it’s not how you want to present yourself to the world. Although you are always studying your non-romantic relationships — you turn a blind eye to romantic relationships. You’re highly adaptable, and you conform to your circumstances (maybe you’re a youngest child?). You would probably be content with almost anyone, and almost anyone would be blissfully happy to have you. But just because you’re content doesn’t mean you’re happy. Don’t settle! You’d rather ignore your problems than rock the boat by creating conflict. Please understand that in the long run ignoring conflict will make you unhappy and your partner exhausted. Try picking a fight just to see how it goes. You’ll find out that solving problems is so satisfying for you that it makes conflict worth it. Your sex life could be fantastic if you could stop worrying about everything so much (did I wash my hands? how do I look? what do I need to do tomorrow?). You need a sweet, expressive lover who makes you feel at ease and never puts pressure on you. If you feel secure with your partner outside the bedroom, it will make all the difference. You cry at movies. A lot.Of the 159950 people who have taken this quiz, 5.7 % are this type.

Cynthia and Alvin used to be a couple, and no one could separate the duo no matter where they went. Their parents had disapproved of the relationship , but the two stayed true to each other. After his ‘A’ levels, Alvin did exceptionally well and won a scholarship to prestigious university overseas. Afraid that their relationship might affect his studies, Alvin’s parents approaches Cynthia, wanting her to break off with him. For the sake of Alvin’s future, Cynthia agreed to it. It was a heartbreaking moment, as Cynthia walked away from Alvin after telling him the news. He was devastated. A few days later, she heard from Alvin’s sister that Alvin had left for London. Months passed, Cynthia did not hear from Alvin. Sometimes, she could no bear it and would call his sister to find out more about him. Apparently, Alvin was doing well in his studies and he had found a new girlfriend. The sister even told Cynthia of Alvin’s plans to marry the new girl after his graduation. Cynthia was shattered, but she knew that it was for the best. She tried to forget him, but found out that she could not. Gradually, she grew depressed and started to think about committing suicide more and more often. One night, she received a phone from Alvin. ” I miss you. I will be coming to visit you soon. Wait for me,” and he hung up. That night, she dreamt about Alvin. In the dream, he told Cynthia that he was very happy to see her. When she asked him about his new steady, he denied having one and tears spilled from his sad eyes. However, before she could ask further, he vanished right in front of her. The next day, Cynthia called Alvin’s sister and told her about the dream. To Cynthia’s surprise, the sister burst into tears. “Sorry, I have been lying to you all along about Alvin. The truth was that my brother was already dead. He was killed in an accident six months ago.” “Why did you lie to me?” “I hope that this would make you forget him. Alvin would never want you to be sad. He couldn’t bear it.” As if Cynthia knew that he would call again, she went home and waited for his phone call that night. True enough, at around the same time, the phone rang. “You should know where I am calling from.” “Yes.” “I could not forget you.” “Neither can I.” “Would you still have me as your boyfriend ? I can’t be there with you physically, but we can still talk like this.” “I would love to.” “How you manage to fix the phone so fast? Cynthia was talking on the phone the whole of last night.” Cynthia’s mother asked her husband, as he came in through the door. “The phone’s still spoilt. What are you talking about?” In horror, the parents looked at Cynthia who was still talking on the hall phone.

well.. woke up 2day @ 1020… den prepare myself fer work.. den was 10mins late.. but reach there but there is nobody!haha!! den saw Jasper.. so joined him n chat… den a while later Joanna came.. den we start work le lo.. actually is Jane overslept.. coz she sick.. den took de medicine.. den becum drowsy le lo.. den think she missed her alarm lo.. den after that i work till 430 den went off le.. haha!! den reach hme.. finish my food..den a while later go bath and get ready 2 go fer Ruan Ensemble performance @ NAFA… reach bugis @ ard 720…meet Szehui n Samuel.. diaOz..haha!! i so bright there… den reach @ ard 730… but the ting start late lo.. 740 den start… overall the performance is great but… i feel so sad lo.. coz got 2 of de soloist.. both are still in secondary sch!!! 1 of them is sec2…de other 1 is sec3!!! haiz… me… nw already poly n yet my zhongruan skills is still so lousy lo..haiz… think i realli have to put in more effort le la..haiz.. den after tat went hme… with Lihua, Xiuping.. den we were talkin abt sumtings tat we realli suspect lo…haha!! =x cant say..haha!! den saw Samuel & Sandra… den tok a while.. den we went off lo.. den on de way is tokin 2 Liwah a lot of stuffs~haha!! den reach boonlay.. so tiring… den while waiting fer bus.. saw Chunyi n Florine… den reach hme onli at ard 1120 lo… so late again..haiz.. think i shld stop here le ba~ takeCaRe…!!!

*caN i bE thE 1 tHaT u caN caLL evEryNitE b4 uR sLp…?*