justme

ok.. well think i have enuf of violent n bad post le.. think i shld tink of de bright side le la..haha!! aniway.. well.. i gt nth 2 do.. realli..haha.. n duno wat 2 write oso.. well.. aniway.. i have a veri nice song 2 intro.. it is ah heng’s blog song… de title is called Life is Like a Boat… by Rie Fu… u all can go www.heng.blogspot.com n listen 2 tat song!haha!! if nt…i can try sending 2 u all in msn if possible ba~haha!! or u can go www.riefu.com n visit de singer’s website..~!!! takecare frenz.. well…. gt nice songs mux share ya!!aha!!

i realli have enuf!!! wat enuf is enuf!!!! i hate it!!! so wat if u are my mum!!! do u have de right 2 take away all my freedoM!!! u have no rite!!! hey i am nt a 13 yr old sec1 kiddo!!! damn it!!! i am going 18…!!! yesh 18!!! even ppl @ 18 can have their say!!! why cant i!!! i am juz like a bird tat u have locked inside a fucking idiotic cage!!! damn u!! i hate u!!! i am totally pissed off by u!!! get ur hands off my businEsS!!! wat u expect me 2 do during holiday whereby i cant work fer long coz sch is opening soon!!! u think tat i dunwan 2 work izzit!!! mind u!!! think!!! use ur bloody head n think!!! who will wan 2 employ a poly student whereby she cant work fer more den a mth!!! hey!!! ur brain is spoilt izzit!?! n wat u expect me 2 study when i have already completed my 6modules fer sem 1.. n i have totally damn shitty no idea wat i am going 2 study fer de next sem!!! u moron!!! cant u use ur heaD!!! i realli have enuf.. whoever reading… i dun care!!! this is my blog.. de it u like it or nt de language i am using.. i simply DUN CARE!!! dun cum n lecture me!! i hate it!!! i have enuf..!!! put urself in my shoe!!! wat will u do!! simply getting as frustrated as me!! hello!! i am 18!!! i am already a grownup!!! wat u wan!!! snatching away all my freedom n want me 2 stay at hme n be like a goodie good gaL!!! no way!!! i am nt a goodie good gal!!! i have my thinking i have my rightS!!! if nt..!! fer wat we have HUMAN RIGHTS!!! u mean i cant even have a human riGHT!! when i am actually a REAL HUMAN!!! get off my life!!! i hate wat u do!! being nice 2 me when u need me n push me to 1 stupid corner when u dun need me!!! heLLO!!!!!! yesh i noe.. u are my mum!!! u have de rights over me!!! but why cant u juz listen 2 me!! think fer me!!! hello!!! u wan me stay at hme EVERYDAY n totally cut off my contacts with de outside worLd!!! if tats the case den!!! juz KILL ME!!! i rather be dead den kept inside a fucking boring home!! whereby i gt nthing 2 do n juz surf net like i have nv surf b4..!!! u think i love sitting in front of this damn idiotic machine whereby it cant speak at all n cant even listen 2 wat i wanna say!! NO WAY!!! it is tat i have realli nth 2 do!!! ok.. den ask me do hsework!!.. i done it.. n u complain!! say i do it with an unwilling heart!!! hey!!! wat can i do.. u ask me 2 do it.. ok i do.. i do le… den u jolly well keep ur big mouth SHUT!!! yesh!! SHUT!!! be it de things tat i do, speak, de place i go, de frenz i made, de things i use, de things i wear, things i bought or even de clothes i WEAR!!! hello!! am i ur puppet or WaT!!! be it de sports, the instrument i play..!!! u oso wanna chap!!!wat de hell!.. be it de type of hairstyle, haircolour, things i eat,drink… u oso wanna put ur hands in mess it uP!!! hey!! wats wrong with u.. u think u gt nth better 2 do issit!! hey!! den go n settle all ur stuffs @ ur workplacE!! dun bring it back hme!! i have never bring any problems tat i have wid my frenz, ccas, studies back hme n start venting my anger @ u okaY!!! u are an adult.. pleasE!! use ur brain!! noe wat is rite n wat is wrong…. yesh maybe @ times.. yesh i will give orr bin… why… coz i realli cannot take it already.. i may be strong on de outside.. but i am realli a veri weak person.. i cant control my tears.. i dun wan 2 cry in front of ppl.. i hate it..i realli try my veri best n please u in everyting already… why cant u juz see my heart..!!! u think i enjoy typing all these shit things in my blog.. NO!!!! i hate it.. u think i wan ppl 2 noe wat is happening 2 me!… NO!! but i realli have enuf…

i can be so sure 2 tell u tat it is onli thru here ppl realli noe that i have been so unhappy so sadist so frustrated… no 1… realli no 1… other den those who have always been by my side.. onli they noe wat realli happen 2 me.. i am still in this world because of them… if nt because of them.. i would have long ago be gone n u will have 2 visit me not here @ http://act_cute_ping.blogspot.com but @ the garden of rememberance… realli.. i have been putting a strong side in front of a lot of ppl… sorry if u think tat i have nt been real.. but i realli dun wan ani1 2 be worry fer me.. i hate de pt when ppl start asking me.. hey u ok anot… coz it will realli makes my tears 2 start rolling dwn… pls.. thankz all fer always giving my those invisible support by toking 2 me… comforting me whenever i need it… thanks..

realli thankz.. ppl like Xiuli, Yuxing, Dre, Engine, Shona, Taifong, Jiewei, Ah heng, Harrison, Hanee, HuiRu, Huiling, Eileen n lots of others… realli thanks u ppl giving me support n even those small things tat u all have said 2 me… yesh i remember them all.. realli.. even though it may juz be a small tag.. i will be so grateful tat at least u all care fer me this fren.. realli… i realli love u all lots..!! thankz… even though sumtimes i may be unreasonable.. even times i will be so nt sensitive 2 hw u all are feeling when i say sumtings… even when times i am rude 2 u all.. even times when i began 2 be bad in my attitude… pls… i realli wish tat u all will pt it out 2 me.. i dun wanna 2 continue 2 be tat rebelious in stuffs tat i do.. i am be naggy sumtimes… but err.. this i realli oso duno hw..

aniway.. wanna apologise 2 ppl readin my blog regulary… realli sorry 2 let u all read such lengthy posts these few days.. sorry 2 let u all read this post… a post which is so crude n rude.. realli wanna 2 apologise.. sorry..thanks fer ur understanding…

*i wanna get out of this tat i am facing nw.. i wanna back wat i have lost… i wanna be de old usual cheerful 1…i wanna be de 1 tat will nt let all my frenz down…*

*can i be de 1 u call everynite b4 ur slp…*

well.. 2day suppose 2 go fer Strikeforce… n sumting stupid happen… my mum.. yesh.. she again.. cum in n start scolding… i realli cannot understand.. wat is it tat she wants.. i realli getting more n more fed up… as if i going there is play.. pls la.. is fer Chingay leh… i realli duno wat 2 say le… sumtimes hw i wish i can juz vanish into thin air.. den she will nt have so mani troubles n waste her energy scolding me… realli.. hw i wish i have the courage… n juz end it.. i realli hate it.. trying 2 fake a strong side in front of her n nt cry.. but my tears simply cant be controlled… the words that she said… realli are juz like those sharp knifes stabbing into my heart… i hate it lo.. she tink i loves 2 quarrel wid her meh? she doesnt noe that i am suffering the pain in my heart even after de quarrels that we have… i weep silently n nt let her noe.. why? coz i dun wan her 2 be worry fer me… is this an act of insensible?! but juz i realli cant stand de way she is treating me lo.. as if i am nt her child.. as if i am a jinx… oh pls.. if i am.. den why in de first place bring me 2 this world!!! yesh i cant deny tat sumtimes she is realli veri great.. but sumtimes… she juz vent all her anger on me.. when she faced problems @ her work place.. she will cum hme n whoever gets a bit rowdy will get it frm her.. ok.. this i cant blame.. but cant she be more rational!!! i realli cannot tolerate this..

haiz.. think maybe i am juz a failure in everyting that i do.. nt doing well in my major exams like PSLE, Sec2 Streaming, O lvl, Poly Sem1…

PSLE… with reference 2 my usual sch results.. getting into Jurong Secondary is nt a problem @ all.. and in the end.. i end up in Juying Secondary… my last choice… why?! coz i gt too nervous during my PSLE coz is de first time taking a major exam…… den is my Sec2 streaming.. i gt into de last class of express… without AMATH… a subject tat i realli wanna take… n yesh… i am devasted @ tat pt of time.. i cant blame ani1… tat is because i am addicted 2 net chatting.. ok.. this is my fault… den… during my sec3 yr… sumting happen… my good fren.. a fren i knew since pri 1…. sum1 whom i am always in contact wid n will meet up @ least once a wk… joining de same CO…. she committed sucide… on 24thJune2001.. i am totally lost… i cant concentrate at all in sch.. i skip sch 2 attend her funeral.. because of this… i nearly got demerit pts n have to see the principal.. this thing took me almost 1yr…to actually accept the truth tat she is gone.. forever… n i failed my english n humanities in sec 3… with de other subjects scoring A1, A2… other den my d&t… n plus.. my attitude changed totally.. becum rebellious in sch.. n this causes me unable 2 be promote to sec4… so i gt retained… in sec3.. even though i was de top scholar in class…my results are still nt veri gd… eng n humanities still fail… the worse thing is.. another attack came… gt backstabbed by fren… a fren tat i trusted n treasured so much… though is over.. but still i took a long time 2 overcum it… then… my O lvl.. though i manage 2 pass… but still.. i fail humanities… n my EMATH n AMATH n MT dropped all the way frm A1 to B3… i am realli unsatisfied with my result… nw.. in poly… sem1… scored such lousy result.. haiz… i realli.. think i am nt de piece of material 2 study…

nw… fer chinese orchestra… been learning since after PSLE.. after my fren’s death… my mum strongly against me joining back… i get so sad… coz i have realli fall in love with CO… it have been so long le.. almost going 6yrs le.. been in CO fer almost 6yrs le.. n yet.. my skills… lousy… n cant even solo…!!! dun say solo… ask me play alone in de orchestra is impossible fer me.. coz my skills.. is nt there yet!!!!!!! especially after watching the Ruan performance ystrday.. i am even more sure that i am a lousy player…

den is my cca in secondary sch.. joined choir n badminton… was in sch team fer badminton.. but de standard between me n de best player… is still 1 whole big gap!!! my stamina.. is forever de worst in de team.. playing the doubles… and cant even win a lousy sch….as in choir.. i am always being changed to different parts of alto 2 help out.. n though i enjoy it.. but i cant realli learn sumtings out of it.. but still i love singing… den the worst thing is.. during the first yr of my sec 3… i have 2 give up either choir or badminton..!!!! i am totally in a lost again.. i dunwanna lose both.. in the end.. i have no choice.. but i chose badminton… but in de end.. i went MIA n becum cca-less..

all these realli concludes that i am a total failure.. in watever i do…

eXpressive: 5/10

Practical: 2/10

Physical: 4/10

Giver: 7/10

You are a RSIG–Reserved Sentimental Intellectual Giver. This makes you a People-Pleaser.Oh, RSIG! You are the most complicated and dynamic of any type. You are brilliant, tender, romantic and a joy to be with. You’re the favorite of many of your friends. It’s just not a party until you get there. You are bursting with feeling and sentiment and insight but you very rarely express it — it’s not how you want to present yourself to the world. Although you are always studying your non-romantic relationships — you turn a blind eye to romantic relationships. You’re highly adaptable, and you conform to your circumstances (maybe you’re a youngest child?). You would probably be content with almost anyone, and almost anyone would be blissfully happy to have you. But just because you’re content doesn’t mean you’re happy. Don’t settle! You’d rather ignore your problems than rock the boat by creating conflict. Please understand that in the long run ignoring conflict will make you unhappy and your partner exhausted. Try picking a fight just to see how it goes. You’ll find out that solving problems is so satisfying for you that it makes conflict worth it. Your sex life could be fantastic if you could stop worrying about everything so much (did I wash my hands? how do I look? what do I need to do tomorrow?). You need a sweet, expressive lover who makes you feel at ease and never puts pressure on you. If you feel secure with your partner outside the bedroom, it will make all the difference. You cry at movies. A lot.Of the 159950 people who have taken this quiz, 5.7 % are this type.

Cynthia and Alvin used to be a couple, and no one could separate the duo no matter where they went. Their parents had disapproved of the relationship , but the two stayed true to each other. After his ‘A’ levels, Alvin did exceptionally well and won a scholarship to prestigious university overseas. Afraid that their relationship might affect his studies, Alvin’s parents approaches Cynthia, wanting her to break off with him. For the sake of Alvin’s future, Cynthia agreed to it. It was a heartbreaking moment, as Cynthia walked away from Alvin after telling him the news. He was devastated. A few days later, she heard from Alvin’s sister that Alvin had left for London. Months passed, Cynthia did not hear from Alvin. Sometimes, she could no bear it and would call his sister to find out more about him. Apparently, Alvin was doing well in his studies and he had found a new girlfriend. The sister even told Cynthia of Alvin’s plans to marry the new girl after his graduation. Cynthia was shattered, but she knew that it was for the best. She tried to forget him, but found out that she could not. Gradually, she grew depressed and started to think about committing suicide more and more often. One night, she received a phone from Alvin. ” I miss you. I will be coming to visit you soon. Wait for me,” and he hung up. That night, she dreamt about Alvin. In the dream, he told Cynthia that he was very happy to see her. When she asked him about his new steady, he denied having one and tears spilled from his sad eyes. However, before she could ask further, he vanished right in front of her. The next day, Cynthia called Alvin’s sister and told her about the dream. To Cynthia’s surprise, the sister burst into tears. “Sorry, I have been lying to you all along about Alvin. The truth was that my brother was already dead. He was killed in an accident six months ago.” “Why did you lie to me?” “I hope that this would make you forget him. Alvin would never want you to be sad. He couldn’t bear it.” As if Cynthia knew that he would call again, she went home and waited for his phone call that night. True enough, at around the same time, the phone rang. “You should know where I am calling from.” “Yes.” “I could not forget you.” “Neither can I.” “Would you still have me as your boyfriend ? I can’t be there with you physically, but we can still talk like this.” “I would love to.” “How you manage to fix the phone so fast? Cynthia was talking on the phone the whole of last night.” Cynthia’s mother asked her husband, as he came in through the door. “The phone’s still spoilt. What are you talking about?” In horror, the parents looked at Cynthia who was still talking on the hall phone.

well.. woke up 2day @ 1020… den prepare myself fer work.. den was 10mins late.. but reach there but there is nobody!haha!! den saw Jasper.. so joined him n chat… den a while later Joanna came.. den we start work le lo.. actually is Jane overslept.. coz she sick.. den took de medicine.. den becum drowsy le lo.. den think she missed her alarm lo.. den after that i work till 430 den went off le.. haha!! den reach hme.. finish my food..den a while later go bath and get ready 2 go fer Ruan Ensemble performance @ NAFA… reach bugis @ ard 720…meet Szehui n Samuel.. diaOz..haha!! i so bright there… den reach @ ard 730… but the ting start late lo.. 740 den start… overall the performance is great but… i feel so sad lo.. coz got 2 of de soloist.. both are still in secondary sch!!! 1 of them is sec2…de other 1 is sec3!!! haiz… me… nw already poly n yet my zhongruan skills is still so lousy lo..haiz… think i realli have to put in more effort le la..haiz.. den after tat went hme… with Lihua, Xiuping.. den we were talkin abt sumtings tat we realli suspect lo…haha!! =x cant say..haha!! den saw Samuel & Sandra… den tok a while.. den we went off lo.. den on de way is tokin 2 Liwah a lot of stuffs~haha!! den reach boonlay.. so tiring… den while waiting fer bus.. saw Chunyi n Florine… den reach hme onli at ard 1120 lo… so late again..haiz.. think i shld stop here le ba~ takeCaRe…!!!

*caN i bE thE 1 tHaT u caN caLL evEryNitE b4 uR sLp…?*

well.. 2day meet up with my dearest “sister” guoping and my cutie audrey~ haha!! well… de 2 of them think waited fer me fer almost an hour lo.. coz of sum things… i have 2 leave de hse late..haha!! den heard they went 2 blue roof n sit dwn there lo.. haha!! den after tat meet them @ Noel building lo.. den after tat we went up… den we wanted 2 prank call Chingpei they all 1… but in de end we faileD!haha!! den went in lo.. den Moon helped us call Loretta out 2 bring us in.. haha! coz they had juz changed a CS manager den quite strict lo.. dun allow other ppl in!~haha!!den after go in.. we walked ard find our supervisors…haha!! den saw a lot of new ppl… think they mostly attachment 1 lo.. but missed Yazhid’s, Lena’s voice… coz they quit le.. haiz.. so sad… den wanted 2 find Jess frm accounts.. but she nt there… haiz.. sian..haha!! den we waited fer Chingpei till 6+ coz at first she say she wanna go out wid us 1 lo.. den in de end… she abandon de 3 of us fer Jay Chou!!!!!!!!!!!haha!! den after tat.. de 3 of us went off first 2 go watch movie.. den @ kallang mrt.. guoping go top up ezlink.. den i saw sum1 familiar lo..haha!! n tat is my partneR!!Harrison lo..haha!!he waiting fer Zhiguan coz they going fer Jay concert oso… den tok a while wid him lo.. den after tat de 3 of us went off le lo.. den we went bugis lo.. we decided 2 watch The Shutter.. but bugis dun have.. so we decide 2 go Suntec lo.. den Shirley calleD~haha!! she @ Suntec.. so we decide 2 go meet her up.. den go watch movie..den halfway walkin 2 Suntec.. we walk into Shaw Tower… den the cinema got show The Shutter lo.. but is @ 9plus lo… den in de end we go watch Saw… den Shirley came over n meet us lo… haha!! den de movie… oh man!!! tat movie.. realli.. i tell u ar… first time i watch movie till i so stress n nearly go crazy lo.. wat sia!! but de movie…realli!!! is shioK!!! haha!! den after tat we went hme lo… den i reach hme le.. den slack…

den mum start her non-stop naggin again lo!!!!! so fed up lo.. result not gd..she nag.. n summore… dun gif encouragement n summore say serve me rite..!!! wat the!!!!!! den i go out… say i always go out… den i stay @ hme.. den say i always stay @ hme… dun wanna go work!!!!!! n so!!!!!!!!! i go work… den de money i earned… u use it all!! den fer wat i go work!!!!!! i am realli getting so fed up lo.. wat the… always will say u work so hard n i waste money like water…!!! den i work until my kneecap n back cant even be straighted lo…!!! n u juz use my bank money without telling me… or even asking me!!! hellO!!! i work fer it 1 leh!!! n de pro is… my bank account… frm a 4digit nw becum a 3digit!!! if u need it… den at least tell me ma!!! den nw wat is this!!!!!!! watever..!!! i juz cant stand de way she do things lo… as if all de things spoil or wat is my fault!!! enuf is enuf!!!! i go work… cum back tired… dun feel like toking.. den will say… u think u big ar!!! go work fer a few hours den give attitude!!!!! my work onli weekends lo!!! den wat else u wan!!! den i nv work.. den say i lazy… dun wan go work.. den say wat my younger brother so young onli oso noe how 2 work n save money!!! wat!!! always compare me with him!!! i am who i am!!! he is he lo!!!!!!!! dun compare me n other ppl majiam veri difficult fer her liydat!!!!!!!! arGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well.. juz sum thoughts…

after reading yingqi’s blog.. i am thinking lo…

coz tat time have thoughts of going 2 MIA after next yr concerts… and actually after wat had happen tat time for co camp… realli makes me more wanna go missing lo.. but after de meeting tat nite… and after thinking thru.. i tink i will stay lo… especially after reading yingqi’s blog… was tinking.. if i wanna go MIA.. den why in de first place i join SPCO… frankly speaking.. although sum tings realli… i still cannot tolerate.. but still… i am there fer music… n nt fer de ppl lo.. during the meeting.. realli.. realise tat i have already given my heart 2 CO le lo.. ask me 2 quit a CO… is practically veri difficult fer me lo… unless de CO close dwn lo.. den i nth 2 say… but realli… de passion fer CO n music is still there.. think i will definately going 2 be in CO no matter wat lo.. but before i can realli concentrate solely on CO.. think i realli have 2 study veri hard lo.. n realli buck up fer my studies… if nt… my mum sure kill me… haha!! well..hmm… yah.. i have made sum decisions le…

1) will NV quit a CO…

2) will stay in SPCO… even when i graduate… i will still cum back!!!

3) study as HARD as possible…

4) do VERI well in studies…

haiz.. juz gt my result… not veri gd lo… haiz… so de sad.. heres an overall lo…

Character Development-B

Analytical & Physical Chemistry-C

Applied Electricity & Electronics-C

Chemical Process Technology-D

Materials in Practice-D+

Critical Reasoning Skills-D+

Semester GPA: 1.75

haiz… bad rite… so sad.. haiz.. think suan le… think i shld go Food Tech le la… such reults.. hw 2 go 2 Industrial Chem?! haiz… but how!!! Polymers… can never be my choice 1 lo.. haiz… hope tat sem 2 can be better….

These two are de plates lo.. tat i mention previously~haha!! so sweet of them rite?!!



This is the pair of slippers tat i bought frm Hongkong…. pretty woR!!!! er.. but a bit dirty le la~



These are juz sum stupid pic i took… these 2 are de sand lo..haha!!



This is de tree tat de ball got stuck in lo.. haha!! den we throw alot of things onto de tree lo…haha!!!



This my right leg lor.. at de side lo… den coz too dry le.. den crack lo.. den veri pain… haiz..



This is my eye!! haha!! duno which sidE!!haha!! see de dark ringS?!!!