痛。

我的心從來沒有這麼痛過。
我是真的很累了。

老天爺，如果祢想要這樣對我的話。
不然，祢就拿了我這條狗命吧。

jealousy

Sometimes, I asked myself..

“Why are you getting jealous so easily yet you do not allow him to get jealous?”

Am I asking for too much? Am I being very greedy in this relationship?

後備

坦白說，有時候我真的覺得我才是那個後備輪胎或出氣筒。。。

對你而言，我或許就像是一個玩具、一粒玩具球，常常都把我給踢給別人。。。

但是，有時你給我的愛撫與關懷卻是那麼的溫暖。

我真的不知道該怎麼辦才好。。。

the impossible

I am sorry, but this is a sad post again.

人-Life

人，簡單的兩個筆畫。
但是，它其實是有那麼多不一樣的解釋。

人心難測。

虛偽的，多到數不清。
被利用的，更不用說了。

我承認，我並不是一個很好的人。
人非聖賢。

但是，當我掏心掏肺的去幫助一些人時，我是出自內心的希望你們可以學到一些課本上學不到的事情。我並不想你們步上我的後程。

我並不需要你們把我當做一個神。我只需要你們基本的尊敬。一個當朋友的基本尊敬。但是我換來的卻是你的不屑與不敬。

算了吧。容平。

I felt so tired. Trying to please everybody. Yet, who is there to understand and please me. I asked myself so many times, why. But the
only answer I can find is, I can’t find any reason not to help.

Sometimes, I joke about my death. It is always a taboo to joke about. But, to me, no different. I will still die eventually. It is just a matter of sooner or later. So what if I have dreams unfulfilled? So what if I have things or people that I can’t bear to let go? I can never bring them into the coffin with me eventually.

Don’t worry. I’ll not kill myself. But I’m juz tired of living.

SPCO

I am supposed to be doing my assignment or just sleep.

But, I couldn’t. I felt so burdened. In my heart, I am asking myself, had we really stepped in too much.

Every year, I see different problems arising in a committee. Especially the concert committee. Why? Is it really so difficult to work well in a group?

A lot people will tell me. You asked for it. Nobody asked you to KPO so much. Graduate so long already and yet still KPO so much!

In my heart, I always want to let go and let them do and fail. Allowing them to learn thru the hard way and grow. But, I just don’t want to see them go thru what I had went thru.

It wasn’t easy for me during my times. I sacrifice a lot for this 4 letter word – SPCO. I sacrifice my health, my relationship, my friendship, my freetime and even my studies just to make sure this club grows from glory to glory.

I am not trying to show off how great I am. I am not as good in skills and English like EkJun. My temper is not as good as Mervyn. The only thing I am able to do is to sacrifice.

I guess I am the most “pai mia” president even in SPCO history. Have you tried before, the whole committee simply wanting so much of power and they stand against you? Questioning your ability and decision. When in fact, the committee was actually hand-picked by you. The feeling sucks even more when they were your so-called BFF in the club.

I am not trying to dig things up and show people how much hard work I had done and how much shit I had went thru. I just want to put the message across. The message of “if you think you are very pity, there are even more pity people than you”

When I was a year 1 in SPCO, I behaved like an old bird. Just simply because I was a guest player before I became a SP student. Thus, I ended up practicing even harder just because I was fucking lousy in playing zhongruan.

I still remember, how I was made the logistic IC 1 month before the annual concert. Having to do up the stage plan in just 2weeks. The first week when I received the news and 1 week before concert. Reason being, the other 2 weeks was final exam. I was performing in all the songs including percussion piece except for the erhu solo. I dreamt about the instruments, chairs, music stands, stage plan chasing after me. I almost broke down before the last practice before the concert just because of a sentence that a senior commented. I simply snapped.

I still remember, how rude I was to a senior who ended up being the one of them that helped me the most, encouraged me the most when I am so depressed and discouraged with all the things that are happening to me.

I still remember, how I blogged about my sectional leader. Talking about how useless was she as my sectional leader. Ended up having a long blog-war with that sectional leader.

I still remember, how my lecturers will come and tell me, “rongping ah rongping! stop going for your CO any more. please concentrate and come regularly for classes!!”

I still remember, how pissed and angry I was when SPCO got the excellence in service award (group) because I don’t feel that we should have gotten it with just me putting in the effort to make things work.

I still remember, how often I actually broke down in front of people because of the stress and pain I had from SPCO.

BUT, the only thing I can’t remember, is the memories I had with SPCO.

It is a place where I have learnt so much things.
It is a place where I have put in so much effort.

I hate the fact that I teared even when I am typing this post.
I just hope that everybody in the committee will learn how to look at things at a different view.

It is not that we just to say and not do anything. We are unable to do every single thing for every single one. If we were to, it would turn out to be our alumnus concert and not SPCO concert. It isn’t that we just provide eye-power. But by spoon-feeding, we are not helping, but we are putting you all in a losing position.

First, you learn nothing coz Everything is given to you.
Second, it makes you all no difference from a primary school kids.
Third, if you think poly life is scary. working life is worse.

I really hope to see changes. Better attitudes, more willingness.

All the best, SPCO!

once again.

This time round, I fell hard. So hard that I have no idea how to pull myself up.

He stirred up my feelings with his actions and words.
He “killed” my dreams again with his words too.

But, yet, we are like no strings attached.

Perhaps, this would be the best solution for the time being. But, how long more can I take it? I dont know.
The longest I ever held on, almost like a good 6 years? Even thou I’m in and out of it with 2 others..

Who knows? I might just be like gone from this world the next moment?

Just when I decided to step out of the comfort zone and learn how to commit, you pushed me back into my comfort zone and want me to stay put.

speechless.

地狱天使。。。

To be frank, I find myself a lousy person. A person that can never face my true emotions. Such a failure huh?

To me, you are like so important. But I didn’t say anything. Call me a coward. I never dare to face it.

你带我上天堂又推我下去
我拥抱着遗憾
坠落在天际
你带我上天堂又推我下去
不敢相信但你已决定

Perhaps, I have too much of grief and tears had already tried up.. Thus, none can start flowing out of my eyes anymore…

Goodbye, my love.

I have like get over it within like 5days?! crap. Perhaps, this is just a stupid CRUSH!

that’s me

SAGITTARIUS – The Promiscuous One (November 22 to December 21)

Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offence forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying.

Indeed. Please stay away from me when I am in a fucking bad mood. I loses my patience very easily and will not take any crap. I can be nice to everybody I meet but, if you show me shit, I will show you more real shit.

Goodbye.

发泄…

又是发泄的时候了…

坦白说,有时候一些朋友的言语或作息令我非常发指. 或许因为他们都是父母亲的掌上明珠. 因此他们都养成了一些让我非常不喜欢的习惯.

我承认我并不是一个非常好的人.或许许多读者会抗议我所要表达的.但这是我的想法. 如果无意间得罪了你们,请不要把它放在心上.

一些朋友,因为跟你很要好,也因为跟你很要好,所以在言语方面会不经意伤害或得罪他人.

Last edited by rongping on August 23, 2010 at 1:38 am

After that I do not know what I want to write after 4months plus.